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    I Made A German Lady Watch "Kal Ho Naa Ho" And She Had 48 Poignant Thoughts And Questions

    "I'm writing some Aman + Rohit fan fiction."

    by ,

    Hello. This is your friend Srishti and I'm pleased to announce that I found yet another German national who volunteered to watch a Bollywood movie.

    BuzzFeed India

    This is what happened the last time.

    You ask why? Because fun should be had and I might make this a weekly thing and seek out peeps from other nationalities, but more on that later. For now, meet Anna, who decided to watch the Nikhil Advani classic Kal Ho Naa Ho.

    BuzzFeed / Maximilian Zender

    Watching KHNH as her first ever Bollywood movie was a life-changing experience for Anna. This is a short description of the emotional wreckage the movie caused her, in her own words:


    "The movie was great. And confusing. And full of tears, OMG. I'm still shook. ALL THE FEELS!!!

    She complained about the length of the movie and said something about her baby becoming a teenager by the time she was done with it, but if I were you, I wouldn't worry because Anna signed up for this, she's an adult and she will cope.

    BuzzFeed / Anna Aridzanjan

    So, let's get right to it.

    Dharma Productions

    1. "Kal Ho Naa Ho sounds like Santa Claus ordering some Vietnamese takeaway. Why does it take place in NYC?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Because when you have an obscene production budget, you have to show it off by spending it on avenues that don't need that kind of money-spending.

    2. "Why the hell does grandmother have a hot water bottle on her tummy? She's clearly too old for PMS, isn't she?"

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    Answer: It's a hip flask for the elderly.

    3. "Oh hi, Indian Harry Potter."

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    Answer: I'm not even playing with you, this kid legit plays Harry Potter in a shitty, B-grade Indian remake called Aabra Ka Daabra.

    4. "Why is Naina fat-shaming her best friend, btw?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Because that's the only way she can feel good about her shitty self.

    5. "I've heard a lot of clichés about Bollywood movies. One of them is that there's always some kid that has been adopted. Is that true?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: You're getting your information from an unreliable source.

    6. "Dude, you don't need to shower in the snow, you have a proper bathroom in your house."

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Well, that's pretty presumptuous of you.

    7. "Alright folks, let's show how much we appreciate American culture. Ideas?" – "What about singing in front of a A GIANT FLAG?" – "Brilliant!"

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    8. "We could have a rap part in our Indian version of 'Pretty Woman' too." – "YEAH!"

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    9. "Naina reacting to this scene is me right now."

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    10. "I love the fact that you can totally guess that this movie is made in the early 2000s."

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    11. "Also, this actress is the "Queen of Resting Bitch-face". In every scene she's like: "I've got no time for your bullshit." It's perfect!"

    Dharma Productions

    12. "What's going on here? Mansplaining? Bollywood style?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: I don't need to defend this asshole. YES, this is mansplaining and he's a dick.

    13. "Her face is all of us dealing with mansplaining dudes, seriously."

    Dharma Productions

    14. "You should smile more!"

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    15. "YOU'RE SO MUCH PRETTIER IF YOU SMILED." – "Dude, gtfo."

    Dharma Productions

    16. "The moment when you see your ex-bae while on a date."

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    17. "The moment when the shots arrive."

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    18. "So relatable, tbh."

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    19. "The moment when the shots kick in and you go full Saturday Night Fever."

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    20. "You forgot to shave this little spot on your leg, Karen."

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    21. "OMG, Right Said Fred!"

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    22. "I'm not an NYC expert really, but isn't this DANGEROUS AF???"

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    Answer: So you want them to walk on the sidewalk and be safe? Really? Who has ever achieved greatness by being "safe"?

    23. "Oh wow, that escalated quickly."

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    24. "This reminds me of those typical U.S. high school movies where some rando takes off the girl's glasses because "she's more beautiful without them", smdh."

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    25. "The moment when your grandma finally understands you're gay."

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    26. "OMG, he prepared everything to tell her he's in love with her, but she just said she loves someone else – and this is the best and most heartbreaking reaction EVER."

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    27. "Do they always cry this much in Bollywood movies?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Yes, just like we do in real life.

    28. "So, what do you like most about that guy? Me:"

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    29. "Finally! This scene is really how I imagined Bollywood to be. Now we're talking."

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Dammit! I knew I should have given you another movie that wouldn't fuel this stereotype!

    30. "So, he just stepped out of the bathroom and now he's only wiping his hand with paper instead of washing them. WHY?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: He must have let his weenie hang.

    31. "Aww, here's my favourite bromance again!"

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    32. "They are the best couple. They deserve to be together."

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    33. "SO CUTE! Do queer Bollywood movies exist?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: They do. But also, India was one of the 13 countries that voted against the abolition of death penalty on consensual same-sex relationships, so we're not in a good place.

    34. "Seriously? Right in front of my biryani???"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: For everyone who didn't get this joke, read this.

    35. "Who is he singing to?"

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    Answer: To literally anyone who'd care.

    36. "And why did he change his clothes during this song? Nice sandals btw."

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Because Bollywood songs span several days so you obviously need outfit options.

    37. "Maybe I'll start writing some Aman + Rohit fan-fiction."

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: I'll reach out to a publishing house to sell it.

    38. "Do all Indian women dress like brides when they go on a date?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Nope, Naina is a weirdo.

    39. "Wow, this actually reminds me of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon."

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    "See?"

    TV Asahi / Via giphy.com

    40. "The moment you're visiting your S.O.'s family and they all start singing about how rich they are."

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    41. "I can relate."

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    42. "Okay, WHO is this woman all of a sudden? Have I missed a plot?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: She's the most enthusiastic guest at the party.

    43. "Dude, you cannot pull out the cannula without your blood splattering everywhere. Also, you just had a heart attack, remember?"

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    44. "Dude, seriously. You JUST HAD A FUCKING HEART ATTACK."

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    45. "Not sure whether it's Bollywood or The Walking Dead."

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    46. "So, after having a severe heart attack he just ran across the whole city just to tell her he doesn't love her though he knows that she sees he's lying?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: Love is a mind-boggling mystery and if you try to solve it, you die. Just like Aman did.

    47. "Mister 'I'm Fatally Ill And Could Drop Dead Anytime' has made it to their wedding. Congrats, bro. You made her cry again. Why can't he just let them be happy ffs?"

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: His illness has made him sociopath.

    48. "The Grande Finale! I'm not crying, you're crying."

    Dharma Productions

    Answer: We're all crying.

    ✨Fun fact✨ Anna denies it completely but I think that Germans LOVE this movie. Check out this remake of the theme song made by a German dude; it's literal perfection.

    View this video on YouTube

    youtube.com

    He's more SRK than SRK will ever be.

    Also, the German fucken embassy in India made the exact same video, so what are you hiding from me, Anna?!

    View this video on YouTube

    youtube.com

    WHY DO GERMANS LOVE KAL HO NAA HO? I guess that's a mystery to be solved for another time.

    TV and Movies

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