Tech

29 Glorious Takedowns Of #SafetyTipsForLadies

Twitter users are taking on the depressing topic of women’s safety tips and flipping it into absurdist realtalk with the hashtag #SafetyTipsForLadies.

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#safetytipsforladies coat yrself in mayonnaise and sit in the sun. rapists are instantly confused + repelled also it is v good for your hair

— binxxxxxxx (@Emily Shannon)
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Only go outside when absolutely necessary. Who needs education, work, food or friends? #safetytipsforladies

— Karnythia (@Mikki Kendall)
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Most rapists can't fly, so use your firebolt to commute to work/ school every day. #safetytipsforladies #nerdyhumor

— Hirn_Sieb (@HirnundSieb)
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Remove your vagina. Carry it in your purse. #safetytipsforladies

— thewayoftheid (@The Comeback Kid.)
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spend 10 years living in isolation on a snowy mountain w a reclusive kung fu master, perfecting the art. use as needed. #safetytipsforladies

— brokeymcpoverty (@Brokey McPoverty)
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Instead of running, begin singing Sonny and Cher songs. The rapist will have no choice but to engage in a duet instead #safetytipsforladies

— kelseygambles (@Kelsey Gamble)
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if necessary, transform your vagina into nick fury. the eyepatch will confuse the hell out of rapists. run for it! #safetytipsforladies

— deluxvivens (@My Little Uruk-Hai)
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Turn just right during a solar eclipse and slip sideways into a parallel dimension where people value consent. #safetytipsforladies

— LouisatheLast (@Louisa)
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Consider wearing a bodysuit of live chameleons at all times, in order to blend in to your surroundings #safetytipsforladies

— gumbuoy (@Mail Ssinnigcm)
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Consider splicing your genes with those of a pufferfish so that you expand with spikiness whenever a rapist comes near #safetytipsforladies

— CaptKimothy (@Kim)
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Have yourself laminated. Sure it's suffocating, but really, you must do your bit to prevent being assaulted #safetytipsforladies

— allthepie (@Lady Parts)
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if necessary, transform your vagina into a black hole with red matter. #safetytipsforladies #meta

— deluxvivens (@My Little Uruk-Hai)
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Do you have soft, fleshy limbs? Statistically, robots are less likely to be assaulted. Consider becoming a Terminator. #safetytipsforladies

— hilaryjfb (@Hilary Bowman-Smart)
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Unconsciousness is alluring to rapists. Have you considered being perpetually awake? Approach Red Bull for sponsorship #safetytipsforladies

— allthepie (@Lady Parts)
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If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies

— hilaryjfb (@Hilary Bowman-Smart)
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Cover yourself in grease at all times, in case you need to make a quick getaway and by sliding to safety #safetytipsforladies

— kelseygambles (@Kelsey Gamble)
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Disguise yourself as a tumbleweed when travelling. You will confuse rapists into thinking no one's around. #safetytipsforladies

— leighformayor (@Leigh Harris)
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Pour honey on yourself and roll in bird seed. Birds will then flock to form an impenetrable barrier to rapists #safetytipsforladies

— hilaryjfb (@Hilary Bowman-Smart)
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It's well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen! #safetytipsforladies

— verylemonade (@ASSHOLE WIZARD GIRL™)
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#safetytipsforladies at parties wear a fashionable suit of armor that can only be removed using wire cutters

— ShayleeActually (@Shaylee)
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just kill everybody before they have a chance to attack you. #safetytipsforladies

— brokeymcpoverty (@Brokey McPoverty)
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Rapists find it difficult to rape while made of stone. Try becoming Medusa, or if that is too difficult, a basilisk. #safetytipsforladies

— Punderful (@John Rice-Whetton)
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The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men. #safetytipsforladies

— gimmepanda (@Kate Wood)
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Stop being a woman in public. #safetytipsforladies

— Karnythia (@Mikki Kendall)

All credit goes to @hilaryjfb for starting the hashtag. Read more about the backstory here.

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heben@buzzfeed.com
Contact this reporter at heben@buzzfeed.com
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