Tech

29 Glorious Takedowns Of #SafetyTipsForLadies

Twitter users are taking on the depressing topic of women's safety tips and flipping it into absurdist realtalk with the hashtag #SafetyTipsForLadies.

Posted on

1.

Most rapists are people, so consider only befriending animals and ghosts #safetytipsforladies

Most rapists are people, so consider only befriending animals and ghosts #safetytipsforladies-- Kim

2.

If you are attacked, go Super Saiyajin. Your pubic hair will go blonde & spiky and shred his boyparts. #safetytipsforladies

If you are attacked, go Super Saiyajin. Your pubic hair will go blonde & spiky and shred his boyparts. #safetytipsforladies-- N. K. Jemisin

3.

Learn to clone dinosaurs so you can ride a T-rex everywhere you go. #safetytipsforladies

Learn to clone dinosaurs so you can ride a T-rex everywhere you go. #safetytipsforladies-- Louisa

4.

When going anywhere alone, set yourself on fire. Remember: They can't rape you if you're on fire. #safetytipsforladies

When going anywhere alone, set yourself on fire. Remember: They can't rape you if you're on fire. #safetytipsforladies-- RamenKing

5.

Store Legos in your vagina w/a quick release mechanism so you can drop them like caltrops as you run away. #safetytipsforladies

Store Legos in your vagina w/a quick release mechanism so you can drop them like caltrops as you run away. #safetytipsforladies-- Godless Grrl

6.

#safetytipsforladies coat yrself in mayonnaise and sit in the sun. rapists are instantly confused + repelled also it is v good for your hair

#safetytipsforladies coat yrself in mayonnaise and sit in the sun. rapists are instantly confused + repelled also it is v good for your hair-- Emily Shannon

7.

Only go outside when absolutely necessary. Who needs education, work, food or friends? #safetytipsforladies

Only go outside when absolutely necessary. Who needs education, work, food or friends? #safetytipsforladies-- Mikki Kendall

8.

Most rapists can't fly, so use your firebolt to commute to work/ school every day. #safetytipsforladies #nerdyhumor

Most rapists can't fly, so use your firebolt to commute to work/ school every day. #safetytipsforladies #nerdyhumor-- HirnundSieb

9.

Remove your vagina. Carry it in your purse. #safetytipsforladies

Remove your vagina. Carry it in your purse. #safetytipsforladies-- The Comeback Kid.

10.

spend 10 years living in isolation on a snowy mountain w a reclusive kung fu master, perfecting the art. use as needed. #safetytipsforladies

spend 10 years living in isolation on a snowy mountain w a reclusive kung fu master, perfecting the art. use as needed. #safetytipsforladies-- Brokey McPoverty

11.

Instead of running, begin singing Sonny and Cher songs. The rapist will have no choice but to engage in a duet instead #safetytipsforladies

Instead of running, begin singing Sonny and Cher songs. The rapist will have no choice but to engage in a duet instead #safetytipsforladies-- Kelsey Gamble

12.

if necessary, transform your vagina into nick fury. the eyepatch will confuse the hell out of rapists. run for it! #safetytipsforladies

if necessary, transform your vagina into nick fury. the eyepatch will confuse the hell out of rapists. run for it! #safetytipsforladies-- My Little Uruk-Hai

13.

Turn just right during a solar eclipse and slip sideways into a parallel dimension where people value consent. #safetytipsforladies

Turn just right during a solar eclipse and slip sideways into a parallel dimension where people value consent. #safetytipsforladies-- Louisa

14.

Consider wearing a bodysuit of live chameleons at all times, in order to blend in to your surroundings #safetytipsforladies

Consider wearing a bodysuit of live chameleons at all times, in order to blend in to your surroundings #safetytipsforladies-- Mail Ssinnigcm

15.

Consider splicing your genes with those of a pufferfish so that you expand with spikiness whenever a rapist comes near #safetytipsforladies

Consider splicing your genes with those of a pufferfish so that you expand with spikiness whenever a rapist comes near #safetytipsforladies-- Kim

16.

Have yourself laminated. Sure it's suffocating, but really, you must do your bit to prevent being assaulted #safetytipsforladies

Have yourself laminated. Sure it's suffocating, but really, you must do your bit to prevent being assaulted #safetytipsforladies-- Lady Parts

17.

if necessary, transform your vagina into a black hole with red matter. #safetytipsforladies #meta

if necessary, transform your vagina into a black hole with red matter. #safetytipsforladies #meta-- My Little Uruk-Hai

18.

Do you have soft, fleshy limbs? Statistically, robots are less likely to be assaulted. Consider becoming a Terminator. #safetytipsforladies

Do you have soft, fleshy limbs? Statistically, robots are less likely to be assaulted. Consider becoming a Terminator. #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart

19.

Unconsciousness is alluring to rapists. Have you considered being perpetually awake? Approach Red Bull for sponsorship #safetytipsforladies

Unconsciousness is alluring to rapists. Have you considered being perpetually awake? Approach Red Bull for sponsorship #safetytipsforladies-- Lady Parts

20.

If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies

If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart

21.

Cover yourself in grease at all times, in case you need to make a quick getaway and by sliding to safety #safetytipsforladies

Cover yourself in grease at all times, in case you need to make a quick getaway and by sliding to safety #safetytipsforladies-- Kelsey Gamble

22.

Disguise yourself as a tumbleweed when travelling. You will confuse rapists into thinking no one's around. #safetytipsforladies

Disguise yourself as a tumbleweed when travelling. You will confuse rapists into thinking no one's around. #safetytipsforladies-- Leigh Harris

23.

Pour honey on yourself and roll in bird seed. Birds will then flock to form an impenetrable barrier to rapists #safetytipsforladies

Pour honey on yourself and roll in bird seed. Birds will then flock to form an impenetrable barrier to rapists #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart

24.

It's well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen! #safetytipsforladies

It's well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen! #safetytipsforladies-- ASSHOLE WIZARD GIRLâ„¢

25.

#safetytipsforladies at parties wear a fashionable suit of armor that can only be removed using wire cutters

#safetytipsforladies at parties wear a fashionable suit of armor that can only be removed using wire cutters-- Shaylee

26.

just kill everybody before they have a chance to attack you. #safetytipsforladies

just kill everybody before they have a chance to attack you. #safetytipsforladies-- Brokey McPoverty

27.

Rapists find it difficult to rape while made of stone. Try becoming Medusa, or if that is too difficult, a basilisk. #safetytipsforladies

Rapists find it difficult to rape while made of stone. Try becoming Medusa, or if that is too difficult, a basilisk. #safetytipsforladies-- John Rice-Whetton

28.

The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men. #safetytipsforladies

The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men. #safetytipsforladies-- Kate Wood

29.

Stop being a woman in public. #safetytipsforladies

Stop being a woman in public. #safetytipsforladies-- Mikki Kendall

All credit goes to @hilaryjfb for starting the hashtag. Read more about the backstory here.

heben@buzzfeed.com

Contact Heben Nigatu at heben@buzzfeed.com.

Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.