A Definitive History Of The Last Two Decades Of Western Civilization As Told Through Rap Lyrics

Mysteries Debunked. Scores Settled. Lessons Learned.

Over at Rap Genius, they’ve built a clever little tool called Rap Stats, which indexes a a compendium of rap lyrics and allows just about anyone chart the frequency of just about anything over the last twenty-odd years of rap songs.

But as Rap Genius notes itself, the tool is much more than that and, in many ways, offers up a salient lens from which to view the last few decades in popular culture. The rise of the iPhone and the demise of Blackberry? The sudden boom of the club drug Molly? The ages-old debate surrounding the virtues of money, power, and respect? They’re all captured here in exquisite detail.

3. 2Pac vs Biggie

Proof that there’s really no right answer, here.

4. Glock vs AK-47

The Kalashnikov may be the weapon of choice for warlords, but the Glock won the 90’s and hasn’t really looked back.

5. Seinfeld vs Full House

Seinfeld eeks it out in the battle for #1 syndication status.

6. Bloods vs Crips

DECIDED.

7. Money vs Bitches

Sorry, ladies!

8. Twerking vs Grinding

Just you wait, Grinding. JUST. YOU. WAIT.

9. Republican vs Democrat

The current deadlock represented in this graph is the actual reason for the government shutdown. This is the only chart you need.

10. Shorty vs Shawty

Remember this so you know which one to use next time you call.

11. Hope vs Jobs vs Cash

THANKS, OBAMA.

12. Money vs Power vs Respect

C.R.E.A.M.

13. Burgers vs Pizza

How can this be right? Also: we’re a little worried about Pizza’s freefall and think it best watch its back.

14. Days of the Week

Sunday? What’s wrong with you guys?!

15. California vs New York

CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MAAADE OF

16. Spinners vs Dubs

Remember Pimp My Ride, you guys? Remember that show?

17. Fucking vs Sex vs Make love

Romance died long ago.

18. Pregnant vs Abortion

19. Dick vs Pussy

Guaranteed to be the least sensitive graph you’ll see depicting the battle of the sexes.

20. Condom vs Rubber vs Jimmy

Doesn’t matter what you call it. What’s important is that you’re staying safe out there.

21. Marriage vs Break up

The heartbreaking erosion of modern love and the American family on display, right here.

22. Mom vs Dad

Step up your game, Dads.

Also: We love you, Mom.

23. Baby momma vs Baby daddy

Another one for the Moms.

Dads, you’re on notice.

24. Nike vs Reebok vs Adidas

25. Molly vs Chronic

Just ask the TEENS.

26. Donut vs Cookie

Donut’s only hope: mate with a croissant.

27. iPhone vs Blackberry

A team of analysts couldn’t say it better.

28. Text vs Pager

LOL, remember beepers?

29. iPod vs Zune

30. Super Nintendo vs Sega Genesis

Super Ninetendo rises from the ashes like a phoenix. Console Wars: EXPLAINED.

31. Black vs White

Now, this could mean anything, really.

32. Most Dominant Baller Of The Last Two Decades

Early retirement was not kind to His Airness. But he’s back on top.

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