Quora Users Plot To Blow Up Disney World

Someone asked on Quora what would be the best way to storm Disney World’s Cinderella castle. They got frighteningly well-informed answers.

Quora, the Google+ of Yahoo Answers, posed a reasonable question:

Military Strategy: What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle?

Cinderella Castle is the the worldwide-recognized icon of the Disney empire. Physical representations of it stand at the center of two Disney Parks: Walt Disney World in Florida, and Tokyo Disneyland. Assuming it were an actual fortress, how would you take it?

User Jon Davis, a Marine sergeant and a military history buff wrote out this incredibly detailed answer, complete with annotated map:

Phase 1:
A ground must be chosen in which you can quickly secure a foothold into the Magic Kingdom. This position must be easily accessible for the invasion force, provide cover and concealment for the troops and give strategic advantage once taken while depriving the enemy of the same. For this mission, I choose the area outside the tracks, between Tomorrowland and Main Street USA. Consideration must be taken to ensure we are not spotted by the monorail. Please feel free to zoom in for details.

Phase 2:
The next phase would be the first two infantry companies sneaking in through the wooded area in the Southeast between Tomorrowland and Mainstreet, USA. Their primary targets are the train station and entrance to the park (to prevent enemy escape or reinforcements.) The Tomorrowland company’s objective is to secure the square and and buildings, as well as any advanced technologies it may hold. Marines and soldiers are advised to not use the teleporters. They’re a trap. They will only kill your unit and replace him with an evil alien. Their main attack route will be through the stage. Also important is that troops remember to take all underground entry points and gas them to prevent surprise attacks from the tunnels.

Phase 3:
Securing Mainstreet USA (now Mike Station) and Tomorrowland (Tango Base): By this point we should be concerned with securing our assets in Mike Station and Tango Base. You will see in the map below that I have shown the locations of sniper and machine gun teams along the buildings and alleyways in the two operations centers. The weapons should be made to cover key positions likely to receive any counter attack through likely avenues of approach with overlapping fields of fire and pinpoint targeting by the snipers. Note also that there is still artillery in the forest ready for the enemy.

Phase 4:
Primary assault on Cinderella’s Stronghold:
Now comes the glory. An assault force comprised of an infantry company staged in Tango base will attack the back of the castle. The most obvious route is to take on the castle through the Mainstreet. This is what they want you to think and will result in the sure death of you and your men. The front of the castle is lined with a moat and the counterattack will be an easy matter if they blow the bridge and your men stand helpless staring at the statue of Walt as they are taken out one by one. Go through Fantasyland and attack the castle in the rear. There is no moat and the defenses are much weaker. This will also be the time when you would need to prepare with additional reinforcements at the train station for the final assault.

***Secondary Objective: While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The “It’s a Small World” ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn’t a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others.

The Coup De Grâce:
Now that the castle’s main attention is on the defenses of it’s rear the primary invasion force will be ready to take structure. Infantry staged at the station will now make their way down Mainstreet and secure the statue and the moat. They will then spread out to secure the other zones of the region as they take the castle. Mission accomplished.

And as always men, honor the fallen.

quora.com / Via b3ta.com

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