In a recent interview, CNN President Jeff Zucker announced plans for massive changes to CNN’s programming, focusing on “more shows and less newscasts.” The article led with this picture:
That’s some white sword fight you got going on there, friend. Not to worry! There are plenty of non-white dudes and ladies out there who fit into your vision for the new, entertainment-driven CNN.
1. Neil deGrasse Tyson
Would you watch this man for an hour on CNN every night of the week? Yes, you would watch this man for an hour every night of the week on CNN.
Your move, CNN.
2. Ann Curry
People love Ann Curry. Hiring her and letting her do what ever it is she loves to do would bring some much-needed good juju to CNN.
4. …Jessica Williams…
5. …and Wyatt Cenac.
Basically, what I’m saying here is that CNN should do its best to not let the next John Oliver slip through its fingers.
6. Tamron Hall
NBC’s Tamron Hall is friends with Prince and, I mean, just look at this GIF.
How is this woman not running the Today show? CNN, you know what to do.
7. Suroosh Alvi
The Vice co-founder has serious connections to the cool kid crowd and provided the internet with one of the most memorable mini-docs in the history of YouTube when he when he visited the gun markets of Pakistan. Creating an Alvi-hosted travel show à la Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown would definitely give CNN some much-needed street cred.
8. SuChin Pak
CNN’s new format is gonna need a shopping show, and Pak, currently the one of the faces of Daily Candy, is the perfect person to tell us how badly we need business cards made out of our Instagram photos.
9. Eva Longoria
Longoria’s obvious political ambitions could receive a bump from a nationally televised platform like a primetime CNN show. Just look what Air America did for Sen. Al Franken. The network obviously has no qualms with employees dabbling in politics while they work, so no worries there.
10. Miss Info
A fast-paced pop culture pundit like Miss Info, real name Minya Oh, would be a perfect host for an entertainment show made up of two-minute-long broadcast TV quality segments, conveniently ready to be shared on mobile devices. You know, the future and stuff.
11. J. Alexander
Known to millions as Miss J, the ANTM coach could provide CNN with an opportunity to put something on TV that everyone with functioning eyeballs will watch: beautiful people wearing beautiful clothes.
It’s almost guaranteed that folks who aren’t into fashion will still watch an hour of models slinking around in in exotic places, as long as they know Anthony Bourdain will be on after. Remember how many straight high school dudes watching the “November Rain” video on MTV picked up the remote control and changed the channel when House of Style came on next?
None of them, that’s how many.
12. Aisha Tyler
The Talk co-host has one of those presences that just seems to command attention. Her success with Archer means she knows how to authentically connect to a male audience. Those are pretty much all the tools you need in your bag to crush the cable news game.
13. Lisa Ling
Look, serious journalist and View vet Lisa Ling has already been blessed by CNN’s Pope Anderson, so just let it be.
Like Cooper, she’s not afraid to report from the danger zone and famous people love her, plus she’s currently languishing on the OWN network, so, you know, what are you waiting for, CNN?
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