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21 Truly Upsetting Vintage Food Advertisements

What, it's not like there's some LAW against mixing Miracle Whip with Jell-O.

1. This truly incredible ad for canned yams:

Family Circle Magazine / Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Well, guess I know what I'm making for Thanksgiving this year!

2. An ad for vegetable and celery-flavored Jell-O, which apparently existed.

Flickr: wanderingmagpie / Creative Commons

That veggie mold is kind of beautiful, tbh.

3. A Miracle Whip ad that suggests that you should mix it with gelatin, fruit, and lemonade?!

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

This has to have been straight-up trolling.

4. This SPAM ad featuring a recipe for "Fiesta Peach SPAM Bake."

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Traditional at every fiesta in Mexico, of course.

5. A Campbell's ad that suggests mixing canned tomato soup with milk and cinnamon.

Life / Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

:/

6. A canned vegetable ad with a recipe for something truly unspeakable.

Better Living Magazine / Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

This is a desecration of everything pie plates stand for.

7. An ad for dessert mixes that looks more like a still from Hannibal.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

I don't know about you, but the phrase "'Junket' Rennet Tablet" doesn't totally get my mouth watering.

8. Another ad for Miracle Whip, which victimizes an innocent head of lettuce.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Don't forget the big glop on top!

9. A sinister ad for a mysterious canned meat product called Prem.

National Home Monthly / Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Please note that the suggested recipe involves slathering the meat-stuff in marmalade.

10. An add for canned seafood that might put you off fish forever.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Feel confident that we're ALL better without canned salmon and cabbage baked in mayonnaise.

11. This borderline-NSFW ad for canned Vienna sausage:

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

ZERO STARS

12. An ad for canned "meat spreads" that literally have a devil on the packaging.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

"Underwood" — is this some kind of prescient House of Cards reference?

13. A deeply gloopy ad for Swanson's canned turkey and "Chicken a la King."

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

What did poultry ever do to deserve this?

14. A canned cranberry sauce ad featuring the least appetizing chicken stew you've ever seen.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Are those...ping pong balls in there?

15. An ad for what must have been an ill-fated Crisco competitor:

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Weird, because "Swift'ning" totally rolls off the tongue!

16. A Hellmann's ad featuring not just one but THREE recipes that will probably give you explosive diarrhea.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

AS IF you would think about making a special tuna dish without mayonnaise!

17. An ad for canned peaches that also involves Miracle Whip, because of course it does.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

No canned peach dish could be complete without a square of cream cheese and a squirt of Miracle Whip.

18. A fried onions ad that seems fine until you see the horrifying onion-fish staring at you.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

AHGGH

19. An ad for beans that displays some questionable hot dog innovation.

Flickr: jbcurio / Creative Commons

Yeah, dude.

Many thanks to Jamie Bradburn for collecting these gross gems. You can check out his blog or Flickr page for more.