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Posted on Oct 29, 2015

29 Truly Horrible Vegetable Recipes That Should Not Exist

Five a day? I'd rather kale myself.

Design by Amy Sefton for BuzzFeed

1. Anyone who's ever told you to eat your vegetables is clearly not looking out for your best interests.

2. Let's start with kale. Their ringleader. Mother freaking ew.

3. Who cares if they're "healthy"? Vegetables. Are. Gross.

4. And cabbage. The only thing you need to know about cabbage is that it's literally the root of all evil.

5. Brussels Sprouts? They're just mini cabbages.

6. DEMON CABBAGE SPAWN.

7. Also, like, nutrition is an imperfect science. Who knows if vegetables are even good for you?

8. Apparently salad might make you fat so WTF IS THE POINT?

9. Nothing good ever happens when broccoli is involved.

10. And, cauliflower? Literally broccoli That. Has. Been. BLEACHED.

11. Nice try, bleach blonde broccoli. WE SEE YOU!

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12. Tomatoes are... alright. Probably because they're technically a fruit.

13. They spend an awful lot of time hooking up with vegetables, though, which is super sketchy of them.

14. So you're probably better off steering clear. Wouldn't want to *ahem* catch something.

15. And avoca-don't even think about eating vegetables for breakfast.

16. That is, unless you want your entire day to be ruined.

17. PEAS!? Next time someone tries to feed you peas, you should just straight up ask them if they think you are a toddler.

18. Ummm, vegetables as a party appetizer? (Arti)Choke on your words, sir.

19. Don't even get me started on carrots. Blech.

20. And mushrooms are guaranteed to ruin any party. Go home, mushrooms, you're drunk.

21. Oh, you heard roasted root vegetables were actually OK? Time to SQUASH that rumor once and for all.

22. And the whole vegetable-bacon alliance?

23. Pretty good attempt at rebranding...

24. Don't even wanna know how much Big Vegetables spent to get bacon on board...

25. But it's just really, really good marketing, people. Vegetables are still VEGETABLES.

26. Sent to earth for one reason and one reason only.

27. To. Make. You. Sad.

28. So, just say no to vegetables.

29. They are not to be trusted.