Many Presidents attended their inauguration wearing top hats.
And made you look badass.
But then LBJ came along and ruined everything. No president since has worn a hat at all.
We're here to change that.
Carter could have stood taller in a top hat.
Or even represented his home state.
Reagan would have rocked one.
Or even used a prop from "Bedtime for Bonzo."
H. W. Bush would have been stately looking.
Or he could have a Mad Hatter look, who cares? He's President.
Clinton would have been handsome in a top hat.
Or even time-traveling inventor Bush!
President Obama please wear one on Monday!
I'm sure your friend Aretha would approve.