17 Parents Confess The Painfully Funny Secrets Their Kids Are Trying To Hide

You might want to call home and start explaining. Big thanks to the all-knowing parents (and aunts and uncles) in this Reddit thread.

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My wife was changing my 9-year-old son’s sheets when she called me upstairs. He had 10 ripped pages from the women’s bra and underwear section from the Sears catalogue. He had stuffed the pages between the bedspring and mattress. There was writing on the pages like ‘cool’ and ‘rocket launchers’ beside the model’s breast. The wife and I had a good laugh.

AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

He dances nonstop. If there is a mirror present even better. I waited 15 minutes outside a public restroom while this child entertained himself in front of a mirror. I know because he was out of breath and sweaty when he came out. He was alone and he’s 6. I catch him dancing ALL the time but he plays it off like he was just about to leave the room. If he’s naked and there’s a mirror… Forget about it.

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Pooping in the corner. Many 1½ year olds think they’re hiding it because they are surrounded by walls. The grunting kinda gives it away.

My 3-year-old has a place he likes to hide stuff (my wallet, cell phone, keys, that little card that goes in the DirecTV, the remote) because he enjoys watching us look for stuff and the feeling of him being the one to find it. It is always behind this one couch.

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When my daughter was between the ages of 3 and 7, we’d not irregularly find fingerprints dug out of the butter, where she’d just grabbed a big handful of it and shoved it in her mouth.

At 3, not so weird. At 7, you start to question their sanity.

I asked her one morning when I noticed the fingermarks dragged through the butter, ‘So, how was the butter?’ and she stared at me like I was psycho, rolled her eyes, and said, ‘Come on, Mom, I don’t do that anymore, it’s not like I’m 6.’

And the whole time, she has this gigantic blob of butter in her hair right above her ear.

My 5-year-old son spends every other weekend at his father’s house. When I go to pick him up he is always in a great mood, and I can tell he had a lot of fun … but when I ask him what fun things he did he says, ‘Nothing.’ Then when it’s time to go to his dad’s the next time he always acts upset and says something along the lines of, ‘I want to stay with you, Mom, it’s no fun there.’

It took me a long time to figure out that he’s hiding how much he loves hanging out with his dad because he is scared it’s going to hurt my feelings.

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When my sister learned how to write, she would write her name all over the walls. We questioned her about it, she would blame it on ‘the elephant in the house’ — which apparently had the same name and was the same height as her. Asked again five-ish years later, she still blamed the elephant.

My 8-year-old kid has a secret stash of candy in her room. It’s rather large; I assume she bought it when she was with my mother. It’s inside one of her board games. I needed two dice and I opened it and found it. Little does she know her father secretly steals a bit now and then.

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