1. Rick Santorum: “The Family Values Burger”
All-Beef Burger, Totally-Not-Gay Special Rainbow Sauce, Fairy Sprinkles on a Bun
“We all know how Ricky feels about the gays, which is why I created this completely family- and kid-friendly burger, perfect for you’re whole family to enjoy! You’ll taste the sanctity of traditional marriage in every bite!”
2. Mitt Romney: “The $10,000 Burger”
Premium American Wagyu Beef Burger, New England Aged Cheddar, Black Truffel, Elitist Massachusetts Greens on a Brioche Bun
“A burger this luxurious only seemed appropriate for the former business executive. And as long as we’re all protected under Romney-Care, why not have two?”
3. Newt Gingrich: “The Open Relationship Burgers”
All-Beef Burger with Mayo and Ketchup, All-Beef Cheese Burger, All-Beef Bacon Burger
“Why have just one burger when you can have three at once? That’s why I made three nice and plump burgers for Mr. Gingrich. I think he’ll like them so much he’ll want to marry all three!”
- Voting is underway in New Hampshire, the second nominating contest of the U.S. 2016 presidential election 🇺🇸
- At least 9 people are dead and 150 others injured after two trains collided in Bavaria, Germany, local police say.
- The Pentagon has confirmed that North Korea successfully launched a satellite into orbit on Sunday night.