Golden Locks: The Most Valuable Bangs In Tech

A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? Bangs.

It’s late August — which means, for all intents and purposes, nothing is happening in technology until the iPhone launches in early September.

Earnings are done, products are launched, billionaires have made their moves, and now everyone is holding their collective breaths until Sept. 10, when Apple is expected to unveil a new iPhone as well as its long-waited cheaper iPhone.

So, let’s talk about bangs. Not bang like Bang With Friends, or bang like a judge banging a gavel, but rather the most important bangs of all: the ones on your head.

It seems that an unusually high number of tech bigwigs have embraced bangs. Here, in no particular order, are the 13 executives with the most powerful and valuable bangs in tech. There’s no need to hide their luscious locks under hoodies for this group.

1. Larry Page, CEO of Google

Jeff Chiu / AP

Page’s hair has helped him basically reach silver fox status at the ripe old age of 40.

2. Andrew Mason, former CEO of Groupon

Johannes Simon / Getty Images

Mason managed to keep both his sense of humor and his amazing bangs after getting unceremoniously fired from Groupon, the company he founded and built into what was once dubbed the fastest-growing business in the world.

3. Former Zynga CEO Mark Pincus and new CEO Don Mattrick

GlobeNewswire / AP

Even though Mattrick replaced Pincus as CEO, there’s still a solid set of bangs in charge.

4. Tumblr CEO David Karp

Mark Lennihan / AP

Karp’s bangs grabbed the spotlight after Yahoo agreed to buy Tumblr for $1.1 billion, earning him hundreds of millions of dollars.

5. Bill Gates

Win McNamee / Getty Images

No less than Bill Clinton can’t help but admire Gates’ hair-bang game.

Here’s Bill in his early years

Seriously! Still got ‘em.

6. Mary Meeker of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers

Handout / Reuters

Forget thorns, the “queen of the Net’s” crown is capped with bangs.

7. Weili Dai, co-founder and president of Marvell Technology Group

Dai is the only female co-founder of a semiconductor company — and the only one with curly bangs.

8. Adam D’Angelo, CEO of Quora

Scott Olson / Getty Images

There are no entries on Quora for the person with the best bangs — because, obviously, it’s this guy.

9. Reid Hoffman, founder of LinkedIn

Justin Sullivan / Getty Images

If there were a job on the social-networking site that required bangs as a condition of employment, Hoffman would be a lock.

10. Chris Hughes, owner of The New Republic

Rumor has it The New Republic’s next issue will feature a 10,000-word think piece on the role bangs play in Israeli politics.

11. Jim Breyer, Accel Partners

Hubert Burda Media / Via Flickr: 39263853@N02

These bangs led Accel’s early $12.7 million investment in Facebook — which is now worth nearly $1 billion.

12. Dennis Crowley, CEO of Foursquare

Brian Ach / Getty Images

Weirdly, you don’t see him checking into a salon that often on Foursquare.

13. Jeremy Stoppelman, CEO of Yelp

Stephen Lam / Reuters

Just like Yelp, no one can have five-star bangs. But we’ll give Stoppleman four out of five.

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