1. First it’s like, WOOH GONNA PLAY CANDY CRUSH!!! MY FAV GAME! It’s loading, omg you can hardly wait.
2. Then you’re in and jeez everyone wants your help. CHECK ALL, OK WHATEVER LET’S GO.
3. Wooh! You have five full lives. It’s level 68. Things are awesome. Life is great.
6. And then you get the holy grail. The sprinkled cookie.
7. And then TWO SPRINKLED COOKIES.
9. Then things change. You just can’t fucking beat this level. LIKE HI, MOVE THE BLUE ONE OVER, STUPID GAME.
11. Then the chocolate starts taking over your screen like a monster blob.
12. And then this happens and you’re like, “WTF I CAN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING.”
13. But then there’s that little sprinkled thing again and you calm down. It’s OK. All is OK.
15. And you consider purchasing some stripes to give you the push you need. But then you see how much it costs and you laugh and throw your phone.
16. So like some beggar, you take to Facebook. And you are relying on people you haven’t seen since high school to give you a life.
19. But before you start playing again, you scroll up to the top and realize someone you know is actually at the last level and you hate them.
23. You will make it.
- Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. He got 133 votes in New Hampshire.
- MLB issued its first-ever lifetime ban for performance enhancing drugs to New York Mets' Jenrry Mejia.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.