1. You’ve been hearing people talk about “Cyber Monday” and you’re confused.
2. You might be feeling shame and self-loathing because you don’t know how to cyber.
6. Now apply your Cyber Monday equipment to your human body.
7. You are about to cross the cyber rubicon; you cannot return.
10. Do you see the deals? Reach for the deals. There are many great Cyber Monday deals.
13. Deals! Do you see the DEALS? There are deals on consumer electronics. Can you see them?
14. Break free from the chains of the IRL world, with its “stores” and “checkout lines” and “cashiers.”
15. Today, on this Monday, you are reborn as a Cyber Shopper.
17. Let your fingers guide you through your favorite e-commerce sites.
18. Do you feel it? We are connected. We now shop as one, getting up to 30% off our favorite holiday gifts.
Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about the intersection of tech and web culture.
Contact Katie Notopoulos at email@example.com