1. “Are you having fun, April?” “Yes, Tim, I love my Bloomberg Terminal.”
2. “Wow, I can’t believe all these cool stocks. I wish girls were as easy to understand as this Bloomberg Terminal.”
4. “My walls are decorated to blend in with my Bloomberg Terminal so I have nothing more interesting to look at when my migraines start.”
5. “The old man has injected me with a neurotoxin in my leg so I can’t move away from these terminals.”
6. “I love my Bloomberg Terminal and I don’t understand why the crooked U.S. government won’t let me marry it.”
7. “It is day 527. I still have not found porn on this cursed machine.”
Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about the intersection of tech and web culture.
Contact Katie Notopoulos at firstname.lastname@example.org