Meet The Girl Behind One Of Tumblr’s Biggest Self-Harm Blogs

Tumblr bans users that promote suicide, self-injury, and eating disorders. But they are all over. One teenage creator explains to BuzzFeed why she runs her site. Warning: graphic images. Many can be triggering. Please use caution.

Tumblr prohibits sites that promote and glorify self-harm, including eating disorders, cutting, and suicide. It makes exceptions for sites that offer support and help for people suffering, but it’s often hard to tell which side of the rules blogs fall on. Enforcement is lax.

Some sites get around the ban with quick disclaimers claiming they aren’t promoting the behavior and information about where to get help. Others, such as Depression and Disorders, which has gained 1,600 followers since it went up in April, don’t even bother.

The 14-year-old girl behind Depression and Disorders blogs about her own cutting, plans of suicide, and struggles with an eating disorder. She asks readers to submit confessions, which she mixes in with her own. They send in questions, which she responds to on her site. Sometimes she encourages readers to seek help from therapists or parents, but she also offers techniques on cutting, both directly or through photos.

She shared her thoughts with BuzzFeed about why she blogs, the responses she receives, and what the site means to her.

Other people usually think we’re freaks and they say it’s our own fault because we’re looking at those things, but that’s not true. It doesn’t start with looking at pictures. You start looking at pictures and stuff after you’re started with cutting or after you’ve developed an eating disorder.

I spend about an hour a day on Tumblr on weekdays, in the weekends more because I’ve nothing else to do. I look for new pictures/photos on other blogs. I don’t have any limits [on how long I spend on Tumblr], I just look at them when I want to. I started with reading [other blogs] and then I decided to make a blog too.

Nobody knows I have this blog. It helps me. Tumblr is powerful because it shows that you’re not alone. You can see that you’re not the only one who’s struggling.

But it’s bad too because my Tumblr dashboard can be really triggering sometimes with all the posts from others.

Like if you self-harm and you see pictures of cuts/scars it can be very triggering. It can make you start self-harming too. It encourages me to cut.

The same with eating disorders. If you see those pictures of skinny girls, you want to lose weight too and that creates eating disorders. Sometimes I try to starve myself, but it doesn’t work.

[Tumblr] hasn’t [contacted me about my blog violating their guidelines]. I’m not really worried about it. If they really force me to stop, I’ll start a new blog, because I really need a blog like this, it helps me. I understand why sites are trying to censor it because we don’t want more people to have those disorders, but on the other hand: It helps the people who are already suffering.

[My parents] don’t know about my Tumblr because I’m 100% sure that they’ll make me stop. I’m not afraid they will find it because I have a password on my laptop and nobody on Tumblr knows who I am.

My parents saw a few cuts on my wrist, but I told them I only cut once. They don’t know I’m doing it a few times a week and that I have cuts all over my body. They know I’m depressed, but they don’t know it’s this worse. They also don’t know that I’m suicidal. They took me to a doctor and now I have to go to a psychologist once a week, but it doesn’t work. That’s why I didn’t tell them everything. I hope I can act like everything’s fine in a few months so I don’t have to go to the psychologist anymore. Another reason is that I don’t want them to be worried.

I didn’t have another outlet before.

If you look at my blog, you can see that other people like and reblog the pictures and then you know you’re not the only one who feels like that. My followers talk to me too (through my ask box) so I guess that helps them too.

1000 followers! You have no idea how happy you’re making me! Thank you so much for following me & I’m always here for everyone x

Posted by the author:

I feel really bad tonight… Seriously thinking about killing myself

Reader responses:

godfreepb: I know this probably doesn’t mean much but I sure would hate to stop seeing posts on your blog
I have a huge queue so there will be posts, even if I’m dead

Anonymous: Please, please do not kill yourself, you are strong than this! You can get through this! Please just call the emergency services or go to your nearest ER for help
I’m not strong enough…

Anonymous: Yes you can, just believe in yourself! A wee while ago one of your post saved my life! Please don’t do it!x
My posts will continue so it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not

skinnythoughtsandredlipstick: I know you’re probably just hearing the same messages on how “it’s going to get better” and “you have so much to live for”. The thing is, I understand how depression can blind you from that. I know you may think you don’t have anything to live for right now, but who’s to say it’ll always be like that? Who’s to say that in the future, whether it being a few years or even a few weeks, that you won’t have something. I think you have something now; this blog. You give many people hope and faith.
It’s been like this for such a long time and it only got worse so…

I almost never talk about me with other people so I haven’t gotten any tips, but I give tips to others.

Reader:

doodle333: Um hi. I really like your blog. I was just wondering if you have advice for hiding scars? Makeup just doesn’t hide it enough and my school isn’t allowing long sleeves for the graduation. I’d really appreciate some help. Thanks

Author:

You can try bracelets/bangles… I don’t really know anything else, I’m sorry… I always use foundation

Reader:

beingdiffrentispretty: Where do u cut? And when did u start?

Author:

My legs (especially thighs) and sometimes stomach. I did it on my arms too but my parents saw the scars so I had to stop on my arms. I started like a year ago.

Reader:

Anonymous: im freaking out. please help. okay so i have severe depression and i cut and have ednos and i purge sometimes and im kind of suicidal. anyway my friend went and talked to a psych behind my back bc she saw i was getting rlly bad and now she is gonna talk to my parents and i just dont know how to deal with this. they will hate me even more and think that they have a fucking psycho in their family.. i just dont know :’(

Author:

Just be honest with your parents so they can help you. My parents found out about my depression too and I was really scared but now they’re trying to help me so don’t worry too much about it. Stay strong lovely <3

I don’t think it makes me more depressed. I don’t really know what to say about my own experience… I feel like it’s not really important. So many people are going through worse things…

If you are suffering from depression or a disorder, please seek help. Talk to your parents or a trusted adult.

For confidential crisis counseling, you can always contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.”>suicidepreventionlifeline.org

If you cut or self-harm, you can get support and referrals by calling the S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line in the U.S. at (800) 366-8288.

Outside of the U.S. please visit www.befrienders.org

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