1. A fleece sweater-vest adds a nice touch of gray to your T-shirt that's already earth-toned.
2. A cool headset mic will make you feel like Taylor Swift and forget about your middle-aged whiteness.
3. If a conference has its own logo swag, put it all on IMMEDIATELY.
4. If you're going to wear dad jeans, *strictly* stick with boot-cut.
5. Wear all your favorite things at once.
6. Black is edgy, slimming, and matches your laptop. A win-win-win.
7. Head-to-toe black says confidence. Head-to-toe black says innovation.
8. You can never wear TOO much all black. It will never make you look like a weird vampire.
9. No shoes look as good as Crocs feel.
10. Pasting a white nametag on a black top lends a totally on-trend monochromatic contrast.
11. If you're underdressed, it's OK. Just laugh it off and no one will notice.
12. Coordinate button-down colors with your presentation partner so you don mutually flattering shades of milquetoast pastel.
13. There's no event too sophisticated for a power fedora.
14. Upstage your buddy's bold tee with a logo hat and shirt combo.
15. But a plain tee lets everyone know that you're simply there to chill.
16. Need an easy way to stand out? Opt for the pre-recession "cardigan draped over the shoulders" banker look.
17. Layering is SO chic right now.
18. It's 2013, but that doesn't mean the baggy grunge look can't be applied to a suit.
19. Always coordinate with your buddies to ensure a complementary color palette.
20. Wearing sports memorabilia makes people realize that even though you're at a tech thing, you're "cool" and "in touch with the rest of the world."
21. If you're going to stick with the cliched hoodie, remember the motto: 50 shades of gray.
22. Williamsburg is NOT dead.
23. And always perform this self-evaluation: 1) Are you wearing a vest?
24. 2) If not, go back to your hotel room ASAP.
25. 3) Put on vest and return to your couture-level flow.
