The 19 Least Walmart Things About Washington D.C.’s First Walmart

Welcome to capitalism.

For the first time in history, Washington, D.C., has a Walmart.

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After some gigantic regulation battles, the big-box store was finally allowed to build in downtown, urban D.C.

And it is only a mile from the White House.

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But this is not your daddy’s Walmart.

Here are some things that are different from any Walmart I have ever been to.

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1. It looks like a mix between loft apartments and a Borders.

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2. The parking ramp is underground and there are valets there to guide you to a freaking spot.

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3. It has a bright underground entrance.

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4. This guy stands there and gets the elevator for you!

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5. As you enter, you will notice there are red, white, and blue balloons everywhere.

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6. The store itself is quite small, as are the aisles.

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I used 100.

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8. A big, fat D.C. flag.

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9. There is a section for Gourmet refrigerated pet food.

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10. And a healthy amount of Pork stomach and beef tongue.

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You can try some!

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11. Frozen.cookie.cakes.com

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12. ALL of the employees were overly friendly. Like, honestly, you can’t go 3.5 feet without being asked if you need any help.

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13. Extremely burnt rotisserie chicken.

I bought the one next to it and it was tasty.

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14. Victorian snowball fights.

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15. Tourist #SWAG.

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16. Ugly Christmas sweaters.

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17. Armed U.S. Capitol Police.

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18. And there are 75,002 check-out aisles.

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19. You can also live above this Walmart.

= dream.

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BUT HAVE NO FEAR. This Walmart maintains the special Walmart touches that keep you coming back for more.

Like the bargain DVD bin.

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Wall O’ beer. Wall O’ beef. Wall O’ Ragu.

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And velcro shoes next to unnaturally colored flowers.

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So people of Walmart rejoice!

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