America Needs A Death Star

Last week, the White House crushed our dreams of inter-galactic dominance by denying a petition for the construction of a Death Star. However, the question remains: “What if America had access to a Death Star throughout our proud history?”

1. General Washington would have had greater negotiating power with the British.

John Gara

2. The glorious battles of the Civil War would become more glorious.

John Gara

3. Spain would have thought twice before starting the Spanish/ American War.

John Gara

4. America would have been more intimidating during World War I.

John Gara

5. Wartime propaganda would have been more persuasive.

John Gara

6. Our Air Defenses would have generally been stronger in Europe.

Benny Johnson

7. D-Day would have been a safer invasion.

Benny Johnson

8. We would have captured Iwo Jima with greater authority.

John Gara

9. And think of how we could have used the U.S.S. Death Star against terrorists?

John Gara

10. And it could serve as asteroid protection for the entire planet!

John Gara

11. All in all, America just looks better with a Death Star.

John Gara

12. So here’s to you, patriotic nerds.

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