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The right to petition your government is enshrined in the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. The Obama Administration recently launched the “We the People” section of Whitehouse.gov. Now, anyone can petition the White House for anything, and a petition that gets 25,000 electronic signatures will get an official review.
1. Get money back from the Birthers.
“Mandate the AG to seek sanctions, costs, and attorneys’ fees to recover taxpayer funds used to defend birther lawsuits.”
2. Give us your alien technology!
“Publicly admit and disclose all information about extra-terrestrial beings, our true history, and peaceful technologies.”
3. Issue postage stamps that depict & promote breastfeeding.
“The USPS & Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee have a history of raising social awareness through the US stamp program. This worthy tradition of promoting positive social changes can be harnessed in support of breastfeeding as it is a very worthy issue to support and promote!”
4. Give us a special German chocolate egg with a toy in it.
“Allow the import and sale of Kinder Surprise Eggs in the United States.”
5. Ban baseball bats.
“ban hammers and baseball bats.”
6. Ban the hunting of Sasquatch
“officially recognize the Sasquatch as an indigenous species and have them lawfully protected by laws banning any hunting”
7. Revoke the medical licence of a “neighborhood drug dealer” disguised as a doctor.
“Revoke the medical license of Dr. John Mubang, a neighborhood drug dealer disguised as an internist in Seffner, Florida!”
8. More electronic cigarettes, please.
“Prevent the FDA from regulating or banning the sale and use of electronic cigarettes, accessories and associated liquids”
9. Remove helmet laws “COMPLETELY FROM THE BOOKS.”
“REPEAL AB 1595 AND WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN BY REMOVING IT COMPLETELY FROM THE BOOKS.”
10. Develop a nuclear rocket to use in space.
“rapidly develop and deploy a nuclear thermal rocket for both manned & un-manned space missions.”
11. “Stop destruction of our U-233 for more NASA space exploration, new cancer treatments & thorium energy abundance!”
“DoE is destroying America’s supply of U233, a rare isotope of Uranium not found in nature.”
12. Stop White Genocide.
“STOP WHITE GENOCIDE: Halt MASSIVE third world immigration and FORCED assimilation in White countries!”
13. What do you think about the South Korean Supreme Court?
“Express your position on the Hyundai Motor Chairman Chung Mong-koo’s nonperformance of Korea Supreme Court ruling.”
“Recognize that an Executive Order restricting firearms is an illegal act and will likely result in an insurrection.”
“By any reasonable definition of the American people, this administration is a failure.”
16. Impeach New York’s Governor.
“Andrew Cuomo has violated our 2nd amendment rights more than any other elected official before him. We sacrifice enough rights as it is in New York State, and we are now being penalized and law abiding citizens now felons, because of sick individuals in other states.”
17. Emergency—Close all gas stations.
“Establish a national emergency project to end our use of carbon based fuels within 40 years”
18. “Save the Lewpty-Lew!”
“We demand Lew’s doodle on every dollar in circulation.”
19. Recognize the band ‘Mountain Goats’ as America’s official poet laureate.
“Recognize the Mountain Goats and name John Darnielle U.S. Poet Laureate… So do it, Mr. President. Do it!”
20. Make the White House Turquoise for a week.
“Light the White House Turquoise for Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Week in March (March 25-March 31).”
21. Make the White House gold for a month.
“Light the White House gold for the month of September to honor pediatric cancer fighters and bring light to the cause.”
22. Give the Saints back their draft pick!
“Issue an executive order forcing NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to return the New Orleans Saints 2nd Round Draft Pick.”
23. A Joe Biden Reality Show
“authorize the production of a recurring television program featuring Vice President Joe Biden”
24. Chain all TV’s to a wall.
“Mandate that all furniture and televisions are sold with tip-over warnings and anchors to safely secure them to the wall”
25. Get Rid of Petitions.WhiteHouse.Gov
“It is clear that this annoying and utterly useless website is designed to nothing more than channel political activism into a cul-de-sac, and therefore we request you stop this irritating sideshow and shut down petitions.whitehouse.gov.”
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