Penguins are perfect.
1. Penguins are always black tie ready, just in case some classy shit pops off.
2. Their classy coatings aren't just stylish, they camouflage them from rude predators.
3. They have the cutest, goofiest, siilliest, most adorable little waddle ever.
4. Penguins are generally unafraid of humans.
5. But when they do approach humans, it's usually for snacks and tickles.
6. They don't often get falling down drunk, but when they do, it's pretty freaking adorable.
7. Sure they can't fly, but they swim like hell and can jump 7 feet into the air.
8. They're also expert divers, torpedoing down as deep as 1,870 feet.
9. Penguins are amazing employees.
10. Some prehistoric penguins grew to be nearly human-sized.
11. They rarely have time for your bullshit.
12. They're SUPER helpful, like this guy getting his friend a newspaper:
And this guy, who loves to throw on his penguin backpack and go grocery shopping for his family.
13. They're kind of clumsy, but not in an almost-set-the-house-on-first kind of way.
14. Still, they're nimble enough to be better than you at soccer.
15. Penguins are kind of jerks sometimes.
16. Penguins are very skilled with a makeup brush.
17. And the Macaroni penguin's weave game is tighter than yours has ever been.
18. A goup of pengins in the water is called a "raft." Guess what a group of penguins on land is called.
19. Penguins are monogamous, so when they love, they love forever.
20. They're also amazing parents.
21. Penguins inspired one of the funkiest dances ever.
22. And they're not so bad at dancing themselves.
Let's all try to be a bit more like the penguin in all its grace and majesty.
Thirty-something from Louisville, KY. Made of bourbon and awesome.
Contact Tracy Clayton at email@example.com.
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