Tech

23 People Who Want To Have Sex With The New iPhone

They're kind of joking, but just until they see if Apple's into it. WARNING: Hilariously filthy language.

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#iPhone5Features sex-- neondeception

I'll buy the iPhone 5 if you can turn it into a fleshlight.

I'll buy the iPhone 5 if you can turn it into a fleshlight.-- Chris Or†iz

#iPhone5features Fleshlight-- jon evans

#iPhone5Features You can now have sex with it!

#iPhone5Features You can now have sex with it!-- Matt Funke

Sex hole #iPhone5Features-- Max Fuller

iPhone 5 come out already I want to fuck the shit out of you !!!!!

iPhone 5 come out already I want to fuck the shit out of you !!!!!-- frankie aldana

#iPhone5Features Sex-- |Riley|

A fleshlight.RT @gitweeta: iPhone 5 to be released later this month. Wonder what features it will have...

A fleshlight.RT @gitweeta: iPhone 5 to be released later this month. Wonder what features it will have...-- Mr. No Days Off.

The iPhone 5 better be cool as shit.. I'm talkin bigger screen/improved resolution, better Siri, Fleshlight attachment.. The works!!

The iPhone 5 better be cool as shit.. I'm talkin bigger screen/improved resolution, better Siri, Fleshlight attachment.. The works!!-- Dr. Drankenstein

@NicholasGazin @tommyrocket other desired iPhone 5 features: Fleshlight attachment, little pop out robo legs, buttons that make it cuss.

@NicholasGazin @tommyrocket other desired iPhone 5 features:

Fleshlight attachment, little pop out robo legs, buttons that make it cuss.-- Nicholas Gazin

Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 has a new feature that doubles as a fleshlight. Any truth to this?

Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 has a new feature that doubles as a fleshlight. Any truth to this?-- Spencer ritt

#iPhone5Features I heard there’s going to be facefuck integration. Finally, a use for the rear-facing camera.

#iPhone5Features I heard there’s going to be facefuck integration. Finally, a use for the rear-facing camera.-- Jordan Cooper

Some people want a more emotional connection.

Gently caresses you and assures you that the universe is not indifferent to your crippling loneliness. Also, new camera. #iPhone5Features

Gently caresses you and assures you that the universe is not indifferent to your crippling loneliness. Also, new camera. #iPhone5Features-- A.S. Paul

#iPhone5Features Siri tucks your hair behind your ear, making you feel held without actually holding you

#iPhone5Features Siri tucks your hair behind your ear, making you feel held without actually holding you-- Drew Koshgarian

Others want to make sure their iPhone is satisfied.

Lick to dial. #iPhone5Features

Lick to dial. #iPhone5Features-- Lino

If you lick Siri till she climaxes, she’ll let you change font size in Mail. (Achievement unlocked!!) #iPhone5Features

If you lick Siri till she climaxes, she’ll let you change font size in Mail. (Achievement unlocked!!)

#iPhone5Features-- ʇsınbɐǝSǝʌǝʇS

I feel bad that Siri has to deal with this.

#iPhone5Features siri will be able to have phone sex with you

#iPhone5Features siri will be able to have phone sex with you-- INKEDâ„¢

#iPhone5Features You can have sex with Siri now.

#iPhone5Features You can have sex with Siri now.-- Sean-Paulâ„¢

#iPhone5Features Siri will have phone sex with you in a Russian accent.

#iPhone5Features Siri will have phone sex with you in a Russian accent.-- Mike Helinger

Siri talks dirty to you #iphone5features

Siri talks dirty to you #iphone5features-- Molly

#Siri.... you'll be a woman soon #iPhone5features

#Siri.... you'll be a woman soon #iPhone5features-- Micaiah Von Walter

RT @michaelkosta: Siri sucks your dick and let's you cum all over her face. #iPhone5Features

RT @michaelkosta: Siri sucks your dick and let's you cum all over her face. #iPhone5Features-- Jonathan Bouvet

But in the end, it boils down to the same thing.

I wish I could fuck my iPhone.-- BaconHuffer

Contact Russell Brandom at russell.brandom@gmail.com.

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