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This Guy Who Can't Drink Milk Just Put Starbucks On Blast For Getting His Order Wrong

"I don't order soy milk because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn't blast fire for 4 hours."

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However, he has a problem. He found out about four years ago he is lactose intolerant, so his coffees can become catastrophic if he doesn't use nondairy milk.

Instagram: @starbucks

Even worse, Strato told BuzzFeed News his nondairy requests are sometimes not honored — leading, he said, to VERY BAD THINGS.

"I've been going to coffee shops for a decade and it's happened more times than I can count," he said.

He said he would estimate about 1 in every 50 times he gets coffee, he has — let's just say — stomach issues.

"I'll get some cross contamination or just straight-up regular milk," he said.

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This month, Strato claimed it happened twice. While bored on the toilet from one of these ~incidents~ this week, he decided to publicly appeal to Starbucks about his woes.

Facebook: Starbucks

He wrote:

This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffe with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used. I've pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don't order soy mill [sic] because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesnt blast fire for 4 hours. I'm not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant.
P.S. I'm writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET.

His post quickly spread through Facebook. While many people were laughing at his eloquently worded rant, many people with the same allergy or intolerance were like "YES."

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"This is why I'm a paranoid barista stalker. I don't enjoy reenacting the poo scene from Dumb and Dumber when someone poisons my beverage w cow juice!!!"

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"As a former Starbucks barista and someone with lactose intolerance, I empathize with you and apologize on behalf of all baristas."

Facebook

Strato called his post going viral an "awesome surprise."

"You'd be really surprised by how many women are trying to go out on a date after this, too," he said.

He's even got some free stuff. Verb sent him some of their lactose-free energy bars and toilet fragrance company Poo-Pourri has promised him a package as well.

Starbucks didn't comment on his post, but Strato said the company sent him a $50 gift card in the mail. A spokesperson didn't immediately return BuzzFeed News' request for comment.

Stephanie McNeal is a social news editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.

Contact Stephanie McNeal at stephanie.mcneal@buzzfeed.com.

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