Hi, welcome to the United Kingdom. My name is Ryan. I'm an American who's been living here for two years now. We need to talk about washing machines.
This week British people found out that Americans don't put their washing machines in the kitchen. It was a HUGE deal.
You see, every few days, British people on Twitter all start whinging (how British people say complaining) about something utterly pointless. Earlier this week, British people found out Americans don't have egg cups.
And the only thing British people love more than having a moral panic over something completely trivial is talking about eggs. So this was a pretty big deal.
Anyways, things were just calming down with the whole egg cups debacle when Eater decided to publish a video claiming British people eat something called "mince on toast." (Mince is how British people say ground beef.)
This was unfortunate because the only thing British people are almost as obsessed with as eggs is toast.
The Guardian wrote two stories about it.
Which finally brings us to washing machines. With all the chatter about what Americans do and do not know about the United Kingdom, British people started wondering what else Americans don't know.
Which is when my colleague Jim (hi Jim) stupidly mentioned washing machines. Which brings us to the last part of a Great British Bitch-Off.
Usually at a certain point, while everyone is fighting in a playful way about something minor, a verified account you've never heard of before with, like, 100,000 Twitter followers says something insanely over the top.
Then it becomes a Class Issue™.
So much so that now a British polling firm is now trying to determine exactly what the political alignment of your washing machine placement means.
But don't let all of this cloud what's really important here: Americans, we should put our washing machines in our kitchens!
I know what you're thinking. I was skeptical too. Here's a selfie I took in 2015 next to my first kitchen washing machine.
You'll say, "What about a laundry room?! Why don't British people have laundry rooms?"
Trust me, do NOT even bother asking them that.
Basically, some larger, newer British homes have a "utility room," where they might keep a washing machine and a bunch of stuff for their garden (which is what British people call a backyard).
But for most apartments, you'll usually see a washing machine in the kitchen. In US cities, that never happens. We have to haul our dirty clothes to a laundromat and wash them in front of other people like some kind of newly divorced dad.
Here's a selfie I once took back in New York, taking my laundry in the middle of a snowstorm to my drop-off place. This is no way to live.
Most people in the UK just have a small washing machine next to their sink. So even if you aren't living in a nice big house, you can still easily wash your clothes.
They don't bother with the dryer. Instead, you like hang them up to dry in your bedroom or something. You save money and you can very easily do a weekly wash while you sit in your underwear watching Netflix.
So in summation: British people complain about everything, but unfortunately when it comes to laundry they're right.
Come back next week, when we'll be talking about electric kettles!
Ryan Broderick is a reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
Contact Ryan Broderick at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.