1. Begin by stating your "careful evaluation" of the proposal in question.
2. But be sure to throw some shade right away.
3. Determine whether the offer "significantly" or "substantially" undervalues your company.
4. Make sure everyone knows how risky this would be.
5. And really, you were JUST FINE as you were.
6. Because you are a very special company. A unique company. A snowflake, really.
7. And after all, your truest and most earnest pursuit is to maximize shareholder value.
8. You Just. Love. Shareholders.
Thanks but no thanks, potential acquirer. Bye.
Mariah Summers is a business reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Summers reports on hospitality, travel and real estate.
Contact Mariah Summers at email@example.com.
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