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What Your Choice Of Extremely Expensive Apple Watch Says About You

Are you Patrick Bateman or Katy Perry?

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The Apple Watch goes on sale for preorder today (Drake got his early, beacuse he's Drake). There's 8 watches that are the super expensive "Edition" line, all over $10K. What does each one say about its owner?

Drake, deep in Drakethought.

38mm 18-Karat Rose Gold Case with White Sport Band ($10,000)

You are the teenage daughter of an Oregon timber magnate, but you've fallen for the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks. You can tell he has a secret — but what is it?


38mm 18-Karat Rose Gold Case with Rose Gray Modern Buckle ($17,000)

There is a deep hunger and craving inside you that can only be filled by one thing. Listening to the heartbeat of your lover who lives in a delapitated house in Detroit while you stay at your villa in Tangiers. You are both vampires but you refuse to eat humans anymore. Also, you are Tilda Swinton.

42mm 18-Karat Yellow Gold Case with Black Sport Band ($12,000)

I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of yourself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

42mm 18-Karat Yellow Gold Case with Black Classic Buckle ($15,000)

You work hard, you made your own money, and you like to enjoy the rewards for what you've accomplished. You enjoy the finer things in life, but you don't take anything for granted. Your priorities are your family, your work, friends, and last of all, your deep passion: the underground world of illegal dachshund fighting.

42mm 18-Karat Yellow Gold Case with Midnight Blue Classic Buckle ($15,000)

It's ironic that this watch isn't totally waterproof because you will meet your untimely end while wearing it in a tragic yachting accident.

Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about tech and internet culture is cohost of the Internet Explorer podcast.

Contact Katie Notopoulos at

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