go to content
Tech

8 Spells For The Internet Any Witch Can Do At Home

Finally, a way to use magic to ward off internet trolls.

Posted on

A banishing spell to ward off an internet troll:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Write down the last thing the troll said to you on a slip of paper. Dig a small hole in your backyard or garden. Bury the slip of paper. Chant:

Trolls of mine / so un-divine
waste away so I can get through the day
I wish to live my life / without strife

A love spell to get someone to "like" your social media post:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

You will need a USB stick and a handful of rose petals. Transfer the text, photo, or content you want the object of your desire to like onto the USB stick (important: make sure nothing else is on it!). Eject the USB stick. Place the USB stick on something high like a mantle or a shelf. Cover the USB stick with the rose petals. Chant:

By the "Like this" function of love, bring my desire, and bring for me love, like "likes" to selfies, [person's name] you are now attracted to me!

A summoning spell to increase your follower count:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Get a glass jar and fill it with any candy of your choosing. Seal the jar with a lid or fabric and ribbon. Sit on the ground. Place the jar in front of you. Chant:

I [your name], please more followers to come to my page, I summon thee!

Place the jar on the highest shelf in your kitchen. Do not reopen the jar or consume any of its contents. New followers should appear within a week.

A healing spell to fix a broken cell phone:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Fill a pot with water, honest, and shards of broken glass from your phone. Boil the contents of the pot. One the pot has been brought to a boil, dump the contents of the pot outside. Chant:

This potion shall save a phone. The electricity will flow through its charger, the fingertips to its touch screen. Somehow it survives. Somehow it survives.

An ability spell to give you strength to stop checking your ex-lover's social media accounts:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Obtain an object that used to belong to your ex-lover (it could be an article of clothing, a letter, anything). You will also need a tapered candle and some scented oil or perfume. Take the candle and mark your name across the object. Douse the object in the perfume/scent of your choosing. Light the candle and chant:

Twitter and Facebook, increase my willpower, so that I may achieve my goal. Give me the power to resist anything that may block my path!

Blow out the candle and dispose of the object.

A beauty spell to appear more attractive in selfies:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Go to your bathroom. Turn webcam on/hit record (record a video). Fill bathtub with glitter and running water. Sit in tub, facing your webcam. Chant:

Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Insta – let the internet's beauty shine through me!

Relax and bathe for 20 minutes. Turn webcam off when you exist the bath. Never delete the video, never share it.

A protection spell to bless a new computer or cell phone:

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Before going to bed place the new device either under your pillow, in your bed, or for larger objects, within 5 ft. of where you sleep. Make sure to turn your device off. As you fall asleep:

Visualize a sphere or babble of light around the device and mentally seal it.

Turn the device back on within 30 minutes of waking up.

A seeking spell to get the username you want (with no numbers or underscores):

Molly Soda / Via newhive.com

Think of the username you desire. Open a word document (TextEdit, Microsoft Word, etc...). Repeatedly type the username you desire until it fills up one entire page.

Print out the document. Immediately burn the piece of paper.

Wait a full 24 hours before attempting to sign up for a new account/switching over your chose userna,e.

Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about tech and internet culture is cohost of the Internet Explorer podcast.

Contact Katie Notopoulos at katie@buzzfeed.com.

Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.