Add them as friends!B
Click on their profiles to see everything that you can see because you have mutual friends.
Facebook has weird ideas about who constitutes someone you "may know," and it's almost always the case that the people you "may know" aren't really people you NEED to know, Facebook-wise. Call me old, and I am literally ancient, but Facebook friends should be people you've met OR people with whom you've shared one-on-one conversation of some kind. Don't add people just because Facebook says you should! Have a reason, or else ignore the suggestion.
Ignore it by not clicking anything.B
Ignore it by clicking "Ignore."C
Accept the friend request regardless.
First of all, you don't have to be Facebook friends you don't want to be Facebook friends with. You just don't. Turning them down is a good and easy way to practice saying no, and it avoids the anxiety and headache associated with the unwanted need to self-monitor your Facebook use for someone you don't even like. That being said: maybe just ignore the request altogether? Clicking "ignore" is not actually the same as ignoring: doing so will let the sender send you know she or he has been rejected, and will allow that person to request you again. (This should NEVER HAPPEN, but yet!)
You, within the last three years.B
You, when you were around three years old.C
Someone (or something) that isn't you.
I know. I know. You were really cute when you were a toddler. So was I. Everybody is a cute toddler. And having a picture of you at your cutest isn't SO terrible when it's for a brief period of time, and especially if it's for a reason. (Example: a picture of you and your siblings as little kids on and around your brother's birthday. Aw!) But for the most part, it's annoying when your profile picture isn't a relatively current picture of you. We get it! You're artsy/sensitive. But we want to see your faaaaace.
All of it.B
None of it.C
A link to the article.
I know this is subjective, and I know that everyone's Facebook friends are different, and I know that you can say what you want on your own Facebook. BUT! A good guideline to keep in mind, if you would like to maintain peaceful relations with the world of Facebook, is to ask yourself: "Would ANYONE have a reason to 'like' this status?" I mean really think about that. If you can't think of anyone who would (and for reference, "Was gonna go for a run but I can't seem to find my shoes...must've left the duffel bag at work" is NOT something anyone would ever like), just don't post it. Just don't! (Also, I know I just said that "none of it" was wrong, but actually that answer is okay too. Give yourself a point back. You're so quiet, I forgot you were here!)
Post your relationship status.B
Occasionally post, or appear in, pictures with your new significant other.C
Both of the above, plus write "I love you" on your significant other's wall every week or two, and tag him/her in your Foursquare updates.
You know what people who notice all your boyfriend-y/girlfriend-y posts and pictures and tags also notice? When it stops. It just becomes a whole THING. It is wisest (and much less annoying) if you keep Facebook-related hints about your relationship to a minimum.
Change your relationship status to "Single," the supportive/bewildered comments left on the update post by friends.B
Delete relationship status altogether, and unfriend your ex.C
Delete the relationship status, stay friends with your ex, and occasionally "like" his/her posts.
Never ever ever in one million years should you stay Facebook friends with your ex. Just never do it! Defriend him or her, and delete that relationship status, because you probably never should have had it there in the first place. Remember that if you leave something up for people to comment on "like" changing your status to "Single" THEY WILL COMMENT ON IT. And it will be just horrible.
Tag the birthday boy/girl in a status update that both lists something about your day AND wishes him/her a happy birthday. Multitasking!B
Write "happy birthday" on his or her wall.
The fact that a massive string of people you haven't talked to in weeks or years will write the same two words on your wall once a year used to be funny and now it is just boring. It's so boring! But you should do it anyway. You don't have to do it for EVERYONE (if it's someone you'd hide from at a class reunion, skip it!), but you can do it for almost anyone. It's nice. Just never, ever, ever make someone's birthday about you, which is what you're doing when you're "wishing them well" in a post on YOUR page.
As soon as you're done reading it.B
Later that night, or first thing the next morning.C
In a week.
You have to respond right away. If it wasn't the case before (and it was definitely the case before, it was always the case), seen notifications have made it even more true. If we're talking about massive email-type messages, you get a little more leeway, but you still should respond as soon as you possibly can. To make someone wait is rude, and I've explained it so many times that it almost doesn't sound true anymore, but it is! It's the most logical thing in the world: respond right away.
Immediately share it to your own wall.B
Ignore it, or "like" it and move on.C
Comment to the effect that you think it's stupid, and you're embarrassed to know your friend, and this reflects poorly on his or her sense of humor.
Image memes are the actual worst, so if your reflex led you to pick C, I feel you there. But Facebook comment fights are not fights you can win, and the way to kill a meme is to drain it of attention. Pretend you never saw it in the first place. (Obviously don't "like" it. What's wrong with you?)
Accidentally online sometimes (dammit!), but inactive.B
Online, chatting with whichever (within reason) green circles you find there with you.C
Nobody uses Facebook chat who is also normal.
How many questions did you answer correctly?
0-3: You are pretty bad at Facebook. You are either trying not hard enough or way too hard. I know Facebook is kind of a world unto itself, but that doesn't mean you can dispense TOTALLY with common human decency. Also, know your audience! (Mostly your audience doesn't care, except in weird cases where they really, really do. Your audience is tough to figure out. But it wouldn't be that hard for you to do better than you're doing now.)
4-7: You are kind of bad at Facebook. The good news is that almost everyone shares your condition. Everyone is so awkward and uncomfortable that every Facebook-related decision you make is like tossing a coin. Is THIS going to be the status that gets you more than 10 likes? (And with it, a full thirty seconds of joy?) What about THIS one?
8-10: You're not that bad at Facebook. Is there a real way to be GOOD at Facebook? I don't think so, anymore. It's a sliding badness scale, and you're doing as well as any one person who uses Facebook really can. You've got a pretty good handle on how much to say and when. Don't let this go to your head. Don't post a status about it. (Do.)
Senior Editor, Ghost Hunter, Ufologist
Contact Katie Heaney at email@example.com.
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