It started simple enough.
Then Kenya quite quickly made an appearance as the newly-rich, grabby guy who has no idea how to handle his money, or how long it will last.
Then Zimbabwe swaggered in...
...still waving the flag of its anti-colonial fight, no matter how tattered Robert Mugabe has made the thing...
...and brokering power while everyone was paying more attention to other things.
South Africa got slammed for xenophobia.
And for its bad borrowing habit.
And for that thing South Africa does where it's all, "So, we're not really Africa."
Ghana felt assured of its place in the world, for no specific reason.
Rwanda showed up and defied all expectations.
While Tanzania practiced, yet again, how to save face.
And tiny, unstrategic Lesotho somehow still managed to make it about itself.
Angola, emerging favorite character in stories about overlooked power and wealth, naturally rolls in late.
There's a tweet about the country's president strong-arming a third term, against previous interpretation of its constitution.
And one straight-up about outsiders.
This is possibly the best micro explanation of colonialism ever written.
And this is a good addendum.
This one is about "volun-tourists" who, we know, are young and sweet and mean well but just can't stop coming over here to save things.
Some of them don't need much explanation.
Even in this imaginary bar, there's undeniable realpolitik. And the Chinese are always really in charge.
Hashtag creator Siyanda Mohutsiwa said it just seemed like a fun way to spend a Monday night.
Jina Moore is the global women's rights correspondent for BuzzFeed News and is based in Berlin.
Contact Jina Moore at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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