Hello, welcome to this week's edition of The White House Apprentice.
We now have a new White House chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly, who promised to restore order to the Trump administration.
His first move: immediately firing White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci about a week after he started. You know, the guy who called Steve Bannon a cocksucker.
Cue the new White House anthem:
After news broke that The Mooch was no more, time stopped, coffee spilled, people gasped, laughed, cried, laugh-cried.
It was emotional.
Everyone was shocked that The Mooch was leaving us so soon, since he literally hadn't even started his job yet.
He apparently can't even attend the Comms Directors Reunion, which I'm sure is off the hook.
And he had big, big plans for his future.
People were shocked by the savagery.
Since he had given up a few ~minor~ things to join the team.
People marveled at all the things that have lasted longer than The Mooch's White House career, like a cold, a Kardashian marriage, and Tinder hookups.
They looked back at all that he had accomplished.
And mourned the memories we will never have. #RIP.
Hopefully, he will take those sweet shades and luscious locks to other screens.
Like Dancing With the Stars.
Or this much-needed remake of a classic rom-com.
It's been real, Mooch. Goodnight, and good luck.
Brianna Sacks is a reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Los Angeles.
Contact Brianna Sacks at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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