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The Birdwatcher's Guide To Twitter

Use this Tweet Cheat Sheet to explore the wide array of species that live in the Twit-O-Sphere. #binoculars not included.

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I NEED TO GET LAID THE SEXUAL TENSION IN MY LIFE IS TOO MUCH

É£b

@narryowza

I NEED TO GET LAID THE SEXUAL TENSION IN MY LIFE IS TOO MUCH

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Just wanna announce I ran 5.52 miles right now #IDontCareIfYouDontCare

Danielle Cheaney

@danigirllll

Just wanna announce I ran 5.52 miles right now #IDontCareIfYouDontCare

Why can't I poop without my feet falling asleep.

Logan Gibbons

@LoganGibbons16

Why can't I poop without my feet falling asleep.

I don't care who the fuck you are. George bush > obama. at least he actually loves America

travis U S A

@TLH_USA

I don't care who the fuck you are. George bush > obama. at least he actually loves America

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Large-Billed Crow

Via tonykeenebirds.co.uk

You better count your lucky stars that you're not within ass-kicking distance of this bird. The Large Billed Crow is a ruthless tweeter who would absolutely murder you in cold blood if only you were anywhere nearby. You can recognize this creature by its oversized beak and stupid profile photo - unfortunately - it's one of the most difficult birds to locate as it spends most of its day hidden behind a firewall of shame

Honey you're so damn lucky I'm not in Ozona. I'm not a typical bitch, I will fuck you up 😘😘 #C'monBaby

monique.♕

@ThePrincess_12

Honey you're so damn lucky I'm not in Ozona. I'm not a typical bitch, I will fuck you up 😘😘

#C'monBaby

Wandering Tattler

Via roysephotos.com

While all the other birds are out doing important life shit, this particular species spends its time trolling around the nest. Don't leave anything unattended for more than an hour or else the Wandering Tattler will RUIN EVERYTHING. Oh, what a lovely Breaking Bad egg you have there! Aaaaaaaaand spoiled.

omfg this episode of criminal minds is crazy like the child is actually the killer not the father holy shit

liv rosenberg

@oliviaro_

omfg this episode of criminal minds is crazy like the child is actually the killer not the father holy shit

Grey-Crowned Babbler

Via rwsboa2011.blogspot.com

The Grey-Crowned Babbler is a loud and arrogant bird who thrives on attention because its best days are behind it. Any credibility this bird once had has been evaporated by a slew of embarrassing PR decisions. The only people who like this particular bird are the people who trade their gold for ca$h.

The TODAY Show should call me about who to put on the show— I know more about people who get ratings than anyone.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

The TODAY Show should call me about who to put on the show— I know more about people who get ratings than anyone.

Contact Ben Rosen at ben.rosen@buzzfeed.com.

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