Once all painted cardboard has dried, punch four holes in each one and string the rope through.
String the cardboard front to back so the pieces sit like a sandwich board.
Then you are ready for America’s first DOMA-free Halloween since 1996!
PLACE WHERE YOU ARE MOST SCARY: Family Research Council.
WHAT YOU NEED: adult hot dog costume, gray underwear.
Put the hot dog costume on first, then the gray underwear over that.
PLACE WHERE YOU ARE MOST SCARY: Anyone’s house.
Make a hole in the bottom of the pumpkin and carve a sad face.
Also, make a small hole for the mouth.
Then put the pumpkin on your head while wearing the suit!
Get some Camels!
Go here for the best trick-or-treating.
Get a pinup girl outfit.
And find a busted-up fence.
Make sure you print off a sassy National Park Service SHUTDOWN sign if you can.
Then hold up the barricade!
It should look like this!
Accessorize with fake blood.
“Where are my patients?!”
WHAT YOU NEED: blonde wig, white coat/jacket, pink sneakers, microphone.
Accessorize by looking nervous.
Places where you are most scary: FBI, NSA, Pentagon.
WHAT YOU NEED: this inflatable horse costume.
Take your shirt off and you’re Vladimir!
People will have to give you candy because they are intimidated!
Or maybe they will just give you vodka shots.
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