Few things make us sadder than romantic rejection and unrequited love. When you want someone and they don’t want you back, it stings. But in the world of online dating, rejection — or at least the failure to respond to a message — is a standard part of the process. Internet dating offers a smorgasbord of options, and just because you feel like you “know” a total stranger based on a handful of photos and a list of bands they like, it doesn’t follow that they’re going to feel the same connection in return. And hey, that’s all right. There are hundreds of other profiles to peruse.
But there are a few folks who take online rejection very seriously. Instead of accepting it as a necessary part of online dating, or even feeling the sting but eventually shrugging it off, they get mad. Real mad. And they take it out on whoever has the nerve to not date them. Like this man, who messaged an Asian women a few times, received no response, and shot off this missive:
Not interested? No worries, Asians eat dogs anyway and I happen to like dogs.
It’s not Michael Richards levels of anger-related racism, but it’s a little unnecessary.
The usual go-to, though, is to insult a person’s physical appearance. You messaged them because you thought they were cute, they don’t reply, and it’s middle-school insult time — “you ugly!”
And if “you ugly” isn’t easily applicable, it’s “you crazy” for having total normal preferences. One woman stated in her profile that correct spelling is important; when she didn’t respond to a guy’s message, here was his come back:
HAHA i just got to the part where u … LIKE MANY OTHER GIRLS>. add on your page.. deal breaker if you cant spell. FUCK.. maby you should look into if thats one of the psyco tics you have.
Am i going to cut you for wearing make up ? or being superfishal about spelling NO.
its sad to see some one with an education in psycology, be so blind to the tru nature on intelegence and meaning, to be so devoid of the understanding of value, that you shun others based on their wish to spell or not give a shit.
i live in the phisical world, i am extreemly sucsesfull and busy.
and i realy am NEVER bothered by spelling, i hope you get what i ment.
my offer at some colaboration or funn practising some stuff still stands.
She may be superfishal, but it is hard to get what you ment when the spelling and grammar are so thoroughly off.
Sometimes, the sadsacks who are pissed off that no one on Match.com immediately loves them are thrown a bone — some nice person will actually respond to them and try to help them out. The reaction? Unadulterated rage. Like this guy:
Him: Theres not much to say about me. I pretty much stay in my apartment all the time..im scared of crowds, and i build websites. Im pretty much a loser. I dont have any friends, and everyone thinks im a freak. I dont drink coffee either. Could we do something that doesnt involve being around alot of people?
Her: Would you like to know why you have a hard time meeting women on here, or will that make you angry? I’m willing to help, if you’d like.
Him: why do women hate me so much? no woman will ever talk to me, and the ones who dated me just used and abused me… all i want is for a woman to love me and stop trying to always change me! im comfortable like this..
Her: Well, you can’t make a blanket statement like “all women hate me.” That’s just not true. Also, you need to work on your self esteem, women don’t want someone who is constantly down on themselves. Also, you do need to find a compromise when it comes to dating, and you have to be willing to go out to public places to meet people. And you may be comfortable how you are, but that doesn’t mean you like yourself very much. You know that whole “you have to learn to love yourself before you can love somone else” crap? Well, its true.
Him: see..right now, youre attempting to change me! you say women want this and. what about what i want damnit? you dont even know why i do those things, but you assume theyre wrong. i dont want to any of this stupid social interaction crap..i just want a woman to sleep with, date, and hang out with..just me and her..now tell me this: im being honest and telling you what i want. would you be willing to do it?
Him: and my self esteem is fine..what needs work are all the women i meet..youre making demands and bossing me around..i am my own boss, and im a man..women dont boss me around period! its my southern nature to be like this…im no wuss!
Her: Yeah no, I’m sorry. You honestly seem like an angry person.
Him: fine! im deleting my account and killing myself! goodbye!
*Sorry, this user no longer has an account.*
But the best kinds of rage come when women get a little back-talky with angry dudes. Like this exchange, which starts off with a bizarre message about baby-making which the lady unsurprisingly ignores, and quickly devolves into a screed about how she’s busted:
You’re a dumb cyber-bullying bitch who is really only a 3/10, but wanna grab a drink on Friday? Who could say no?
If you’ve got your own online dating horror stories, drop them below, or submit them anonymously.
The A(n)nals of Online Dating is a weekly column about How We Date Now, from the proprietor of the website of the same name, showing the best of the worst internet dating has to offer.
Illustration by Leslie Wood
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