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13 Epic Lab Fails That Make You Glad You Majored In English

"Congratulations! You hit the sperm sack!"

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3. The explosive stool:

"A patient had submitted a stool sample. ... Apparently whatever pathogen was growing in this person's intestines was gas producing, because the lid was bulging upwards like a bad can of soup. ... That was the day I learned the importance of opening a stool specimen container from the edge facing AWAY from you. High-pressure diarrhea came flying out of that thing the way a glob of yogurt gets pooped out when you open a yogurt cup too fast."

Submitted by anonymous

4. The sperm sack explosion:

"[While dissecting a fish], a steady stream of white goo sprayed all over my face and went into my mouth. After I screamed, my teacher came over and inspected the carcass. She said, 'Congratulations! You hit the sperm sack!'"

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5. The Tylenol workaround:

"In O-Chem 2 lab, I was supposed to have a solid precipitate but failed. I wasn't about to start over because I was lazy and didn't understand how science works, so I crushed up a Tylenol pill and kept moving. The horrible fumes I concocted settled into my pores, apparently, and I smelled like skunk for at least a week."

Submitted by anonymous

6. The abandoned lizard:

"The first couple weeks we were able to handle the lizards quite easily. However, the lizards quickly learned the [experimental] routine and [one] got away from me. After racing around the classroom with my partner trying to catch it, the lizard ran into a corner and up a hole. After a few minutes of trying to get it out, my partner and I were forced to give up and go buy a second lizard. Our teacher still doesn't know and for all we know, that lizard is still running around our science building."

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8. The classic hydrochloric acid dare:

"Someone dared me to stick my hand in some hydrochloric acid and my skin crusted over for like two weeks."

Submitted by anonymous

9. The sub-edible frog heart:

"I bet my friend she wouldn't eat a frog's heart, then she did and got really sick and had to go the nurse."

Submitted by anonymous

10. The acid* boner incident:

Ljupco / Via Thinkstock

Submitted by anonymous

*Note: We sincerely hope that this submitter meant hydrochloric acid. Hydrofluoric acid can be deadly with even minimal skin exposure.

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  1. What is the most important lab safety lesson you learned today?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Don't put shit you found in the lab in your mouth.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Science is gross.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Romance and lab science is a tricky area.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    No matter how hard I failed, other people seem to be failing harder.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bets and dares in the lab rarely end well.
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What is the most important lab safety lesson you learned today?

  1.  
    vote votes
    Don't put shit you found in the lab in your mouth.
  2.  
    vote votes
    Science is gross.
  3.  
    vote votes
    Romance and lab science is a tricky area.
  4.  
    vote votes
    No matter how hard I failed, other people seem to be failing harder.
  5.  
    vote votes
    Bets and dares in the lab rarely end well.

Science Writer, Fossil Beastmaster

Contact Alex Kasprak at alex.kasprak@buzzfeed.com.

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