back to top

22 Science Tweets That Will Actually Make You Laugh

"You guys seriously haven't lived until you're capable of metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to your environment."

Posted on

1.

Fahrenheit is the Internet Explorer of temperature scales. A lot of people still use it, but the rest of us can't figure out why.

2.

3.

A pet rock is a fun pet until you realize that it's essentially immortal and you've damned it to an eternity of watching its loved ones die

Advertisement

4.

[Chemical Bar] Oxygen: *Winks at two pretty hydrogen ladies* The names Bond. Covelant Bond. *They get wet together*

5.

*accidentally taxidermies the wrong end of a lion* "What a catasstrophy!"

6.

"Stand up for myself? Get a spine? Dammit Karen! It's like you don't even know what 'invertebrate' means!" I retort, angrily squirting ink.

7.

You guys seriously haven't lived until you're capable of metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to your environment

8.

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Advertisement

9.

When there's a hockey game at 7 but you gotta be in space by 10:

10.

I call this, "Sun Setting on Science Education", painted with rich, vibrant homeopathic oil paints.

11.

Me to the bartender: just fuck me up Bartender: the Sun makes up 99.8% of the entire mass of the whole Solar System. Me: shiiiit, thanks man

12.

12013 B.C.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing 2013 A.D.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing

13.

Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.

Advertisement

14.

sext: i am physically incapable of not misreading hardon as hadron so be prepared to discuss supercolliders i guess

15.

Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying.

16.

More Mexicans Are Leaving Than Coming to the U.S. -Pew Research Center Lasers Are Totally Awesome AF! -Pew Pew Research Center

17.

I think creationism should be taught in science just as I think Lord of the Rings should be taught in history by sword & sorcery literalists

18.

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity... Or even in regular gravity.

Advertisement

19.

NASA scientist: ...and this is my workspace. Astronaut: You mean your workstuckinanofficeonEarth. NASA scientist: Fuck off Carl.

20.

Why yes, I do live under a rock. It's called the moon.

21.

HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon.

22.

*NASA Headquarters* Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity? Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.

Science Writer, Fossil Beastmaster

Contact Alex Kasprak at alex.kasprak@buzzfeed.com.

Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.