The beachThe clubYour own baller padWherever your date wants to goA hotel with hourly ratesSomewhere on a road trip
Commitment-free sexA life long partnerFinancial supportSomeone to keep you warmValidationRomance
As long as you can hold on!You aren't really into defining things.Maybe a year?Hopefully a long time!One gloriously picturesque afternoon.'Till death do you part!
Your ability to commitYour social natureYour free spiritYour grit and determinationYour sense of styleYour romantic side
Which Animal Dates Like You Date?
Your approach? Honest, carefree seduction. Bonobos, a close relative of the chimpanzee, are famous for their sexual appetite and bohemian lifestyle. They have sex all the time, with multiple partners. They do it for fun, to relieve tension, and even to settle disagreements. That’s what you are hoping for with your date — just a good, fun, tension-relieving, sexy time.
Your approach? Romance and determination. You have been accused of being a serial monogamist. You are looking, as you are every year it seems, for a faithful partner. You are willing to go the distance to make that happen. Emperor penguins travel great distances to get to their mating grounds. Once they do find their partner, they form monogamous pairs that generally last for only one year.
Your approach? Deck your place out with some serious bling to project the appearance of a baller lifestyle. Your whole method depends on your date seeing where you live or at least hearing about where you life. Male bowerbirds rely on the same thing. To woo their mate they build impressive nests with crazy colors and elaborate decorations in the hope that a striking lady will see their home and have some sexy time in there. You, too, are hoping for a similar payoff.
Your approach? Group dating! You work better in a group setting. You like to be surrounded by friends when you first meet someone so you can highlight your best self. Flamingos take a similar approach. Both male and female flamingos perform massive synchronized displays in large groups involving neck stretching and wing flapping. After that they pair off. You too are hoping for a similar payout after your group display.
Your approach? Romance the shit out your date. Your ideal date is likely going to be a long walk on the beach, perhaps with a sunset involved. Horseshoe crabs, similarly, only mate after a walk on the beach. During mating season a male will pick a mate, hop on her back, and move to shallow waters where the female digs a hole in the sand for her eggs, which are later fertilized by the male. The comparison, obviously, is not perfect.
Your approach? Clingy-clingy cling-cling. You aren’t proud of it, but deep down you are looking for someone to support you... and fast! That’s what male anglerfish do, they attach themselves to their mate and live off of their mate’s supply of food. The tradeoff? The female doesn’t need to go very far to get her eggs fertilized. You, too, are looking for a similarly beneficial arrangement.
Science Writer, Fossil Beastmaster
Contact Alex Kasprak at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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