1. A study that investigated bat fellatio.
2. That study that figured out how much force it takes for penguins to poop.
3. That study that investigated the feasibility of using humans to test cat food.
4. That multiyear research project aimed at determining why belly buttons collect lint.
5. That study that wanted to find out if sexy deep voices meant healthy, high-quality sperm.
6. That study that wanted to find out how dangerous sword swallowing really is.
7. That study that investigated if rectal massages could cure hiccups.
8. That study that looked into the cheese preferences of mosquitos.
9. That study that proposed a radical new solution to penile zipper entrapment.
10. That study that wanted to know why spaghetti breaks the way it does.
11. That study that asked if leaning in a certain direction would cause tall things to look smaller.
12. That question that wanted to find out, quantitatively, how slippery banana peels are.
13. That study about African ground squirrel masturbation habits.
14. And that study that brought to light the phenomenon of spontaneous dolphin splooging.
Why? Why, dolphin, why?!
Science Writer, Fossil Beastmaster
Contact Alex Kasprak at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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