14 Scientific Studies Literally No One Asked For

Is the world a better place now that we know what kind of cheese mosquitos like? Probably... Probably.

1. A study that investigated bat fellatio.

Anton Croos / Via en.wikipedia.org

Let's get one thing out of the way: Some bats go down on each other. But what happens when they do? That's what a 2009 study heroically addressed. They found that "mating pairs spent significantly more time in copulation if the female licked her mate's penis than if fellatio was absent." Good. to. know.

2. That study that figured out how much force it takes for penguins to poop.

Meyer-Rochow et al. 2003

Certain species of penguins shoot their shit a great distance to get it away from their nest without leaving it (the dream, I know). I know what you are thinking: "How much pressure does it take to jettison that crap that far?" Lucky for you, science has taken care of this problem in a 2003 paper titled "Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh—Calculations on Avian Defaecation." The answer is up to 60 kPa.

3. That study that investigated the feasibility of using humans to test cat food.

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It would be a lot easier to make cat food taste better if humans could do the tasting in place of those picky felines. That's what the scientist behind the 2009 paper "Optimizing the Sensory Characteristics and Acceptance of Canned Cat Food: Use of a Human Taste Panel" argued, at least.

4. That multiyear research project aimed at determining why belly buttons collect lint.

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The scientists of this THREE-YEAR study suggest that hair plays the biggest role in attracting belly button lint.

5. That study that wanted to find out if sexy deep voices meant healthy, high-quality sperm.

Warner Bros.

Low-pitched voices for men are generally considered attractive, but is there a correlation between semen quality and voice pitch? That's the question posed in a 2011 study. The researchers concluded that "men with lower pitched voices did not have better semen quality. On the contrary, men whose voices were rated as more attractive tended to have lower concentrations of sperm in their ejaculate."

6. That study that wanted to find out how dangerous sword swallowing really is.

NBC Universal

A 2006 paper titled "Sword Swallowing and Its Side Effects" had this simple objective: "To evaluate information on the practice and associated ill effects of sword swallowing." Turns out sore throats are pretty common and distracted sword swallowers tend to get injured more often.

7. That study that investigated if rectal massages could cure hiccups.

Via giphy.com

It's possible, says at least one scientific study!

8. That study that looked into the cheese preferences of mosquitos.

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They love them some Limburger cheese! This is according to a 1996 study. It's not coincidence either, according to the paper, that the parts of the human body that smell kind of Limburger-y are pretty popular with mosquitos.

9. That study that proposed a radical new solution to penile zipper entrapment.

20th Century Fox

According to a 2006 paper titled "Safe and Painless Manipulation of Penile Zipper Entrapment," you better have a zip fastener and some pliers ready to go.

10. That study that wanted to know why spaghetti breaks the way it does.

SmarterEveryDay / Via youtube.com

Fun fact: Spaghetti does not break in half when you bend it. That has bothered scientists for a while. In 2005, a couple of physicists decided to take a *ahem* crack at it in their paper "Fragmentation of Rods by Cascading Cracks: Why Spaghetti Does Not Break in Half." The answer might have something to do with rapid relaxation of the noodle milliseconds after the first break occurs.

11. That study that asked if leaning in a certain direction would cause tall things to look smaller.

Via giphy.com

You've got to lean to the left, of course! A 2011 study investigated whether leaning toward one side or the other changes how people perceive height. Turns out it does, and leaning to the left makes people see things as shorter.

12. That question that wanted to find out, quantitatively, how slippery banana peels are.

Via wifflegif.com

According to a 2012 investigation, they have a friction coefficient of 0.07. Translation: They are a bit slippery.

13. That study about African ground squirrel masturbation habits.

Hans Hillewaert / Via en.wikipedia.org

It's not due to sexual frustration, according to a 2010 study. Instead, researchers argue that masturbation may serve as a way for these "promiscuous" squirrels to clean their genital region and prevent STDs.

14. And that study that brought to light the phenomenon of spontaneous dolphin splooging.

Espander / Via youtube.com

Unfortunately science still doesn't have a good answer for why it happens.

Why? Why, dolphin, why?!

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