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27 Things British-Born Chinese People Know To Be True

"But where are you reeeeeally from?"

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1. You know that “Can you speak Chinese?” is never a simple question.

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Do you mean Mandarin, Cantonese, Hakka, or Teochew?

2. And "Wow, your English is great!" really isn't a compliment.

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Thanks. I grew up here.

3. You get excited every time you see a Chinese person on British TV.

4. But you're disappointed when they turn out to be another stereotype.

"Introducing Sherlock's latest character, Exotic Lotus Blossom Teacup Woman. Don't get too attached, she dies in 20 minutes."
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"Introducing Sherlock's latest character, Exotic Lotus Blossom Teacup Woman. Don't get too attached, she dies in 20 minutes."

5. Half-Chinese people? ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

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Hey, you gotta take your role models where they come. Right, Alexa Chung?

6. You've been called "Oriental" before.

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What am I, a carpet?

7. Your favourite soap opera sounded like this.

Hollyoaks? Please, give me Princess Pearl any day.

8. A gap year was never on your agenda.

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"So, Mum, I was thinking of going traveling in Thailaaa – OK, never mind."

9. When you were growing up, all you wanted to eat at home was English food.

"But WHY can't we have chips for tea like ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS AT SCHOOL?"
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"But WHY can't we have chips for tea like ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS AT SCHOOL?"

10. Even though you instantly missed your mum's cooking the second you went to uni.

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Life, you cruel bitch.

11. Which is why a rice cooker was the best thing your parents ever gave you.

12. You know that this is no ordinary supermarket. It's a glorious food paradise.

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Wing Yip: The Asian supermarket that dreams are made of.

13. You've travelled the world.

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Hanging out with your cousins in Hong Kong and Taipei counts, right?

14. Your parents still haven't got over the handover.

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1997 was an emotionally intense year for Hong Kong, guys.

15. And you knew somebody who auditioned to play Cho Chang in Harry Potter.

Either that or you wanted to do it yourself.
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Either that or you wanted to do it yourself.

16. You have an identity crisis every time you fill out a census form.

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Wait, why are there two different boxes for "Chinese" and "Asian"? What do I tick? WHAT AM I?

17. Leaving your ID at home on a night out is not an option.

Carded at every. Single. Pub.
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Carded at every. Single. Pub.

18. Nobody is ever satisfied with where you're actually from.

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I'm sure Shanghai sounds way more glamorous, but I'm from Leicester.

19. This is your default photo pose.

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First it was cute, then it was ironic, now... Old habits die hard, OK?

20. See what I mean?

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Told you she was half-Chinese.

21. Christmas has nothing on Chinese New Year.

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A holiday where you get cold, hard cash and eat loads of delicious Chinese food? Sorry, Santa.

22. Contrary to popular belief, we don't all know each other.

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"Hey, are you friends with this Chinese guy I went to grammar school with in a totally different part of the country?” Probably not.

23. You became 10 times cooler at school after this movie came out.

But you'll never get over how Jet Li and Aaliyah never kissed. What's up with that, Hollywood?
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But you'll never get over how Jet Li and Aaliyah never kissed. What's up with that, Hollywood?

24. You hate stereotypes, but sometimes the clichés are true.

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Yep, your parents almost certainly wanted you to go into medicine. Or engineering. Or law. Or banking. Or accounting.

25. You find yourself strangely drawn to other immigrant kids.

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Let’s just say Overachieving Parent Syndrome is a global affliction.

26. The best thing about the London Olympics was cheering for two winning countries.

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If the UK was doing badly, you just switched over to China, and vice versa. So convenient!

27. But no matter who you support, people always turn your identity into some kind of guessing game.

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"What are you? Korean? Japanese? Vietnamese? Thai?" Boooooring.

So the next time they ask, just say: "I'm about as British as you."

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Because you are, obviously.

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