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"New Year, New Me!"- And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves.

New Year’s resolutions are kind of like a drunk uncle. You know you shouldn’t take him too seriously…but you can’t help but laugh and play along when he comes around once a year.

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Looking for a simple trick to make your New Year's commitment stick? …don’t start on New Years.

There, I said it. New Year's Resolutions…they're kind of dumb.

Lets be honest, the New Years Resolution was a concept invented by the Chinese government in a ploy for interweb bloggers to have something fluffy and warm to write about between the days of December 26th and January 1st. I must seem like a raging hypocrite, since resolutions are the catalyst for this post- but I'll have you know that I'm calling for an end to these stupid promises that we make to ourselves on the brink of every New Year.

By no means am I a pessimist; On the contrary- I always see the glass completely full, I am annoyingly optimistic and I’m a firm believer that bacon can turn any day into a great day- but even for a bacon happy optimist as myself, great big New Year's Resolutions just become as disappointing as your middle school boyfriend Dave.

Lets be honest with ourselves, if we were to pick a day to start making a difference in our lives, January 1st would be among THE worst. New Year's Eve is just a big ol' party that happens to fall on the most angst-ridden night of the year. There's only one thing that could be a bigger setup for disappointment: scheduling a forced moment of romance to cap off the night.

Do you even remember what happened after the clock struck midnight? How many of us even wake up in our own bed on New Years Day? Or even better, do you even know the person your waking up next to?

Of course, there are plenty of opportunities for bad behavior — both mine and others' — on any given day. But we don't expect the average Saturday night to go down in history. On New Year's Eve, however, we pay extra. We try harder. We yearn for more — the fairy tale miracle romance, a bacchanalian feast that would have made a Roman emperor blush, a reset button that lets us emerge the next day as better people. So rarely does that happen. It can be underwhelming and so fraught with disappointment because there's so much pressure for it to be epic, or at the very least, memorable.

It's the day we wake up, hung over, plagued with morning breath and unexplainable food crumbs in your bed, all the while having to drag ourselves to the coffee machine or a Bloody Mary IV drip. Then after we are freshly hydrated, we blankly stare into the freezing, uncaring eye of a January morning and try to convince ourselves that today is the day we will go for a run and stop drinking before noon.

…Just the thought is causing me to want a cocktail.

Let's say that you've decided to lose weight in the New Year, which according to the excessive Facebook status’s I’ve been reading, is what the majority of humans choose for their New Year's Resolution. Because being #FITFAM is lit, fam.

The problem with that particular resolution is that it is really stupid, and no one wants to hear any stories that have to do with salads.

Hear me out: If you start your diet on this day, it will only end in resentment and a bowl of ice-cream. Defeated and miserable, you will stuff your face with food and instantly wish you hadn’t. Then, ashamedly, you will discover that you gained another 3 pounds before you even started that diet. Listen people, we have been drowning in gluttony this holiday season, our bodies are now accustomed sweets and beer, glazed ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese, usually with extra cheese, corn bread, black eyed peas and a variety of vegetables that are usually cooked slow with bacon. There are still candy canes, boxes of Godiva lying around and fruitcake that we can keep for decades. Fortunately, no one eats fruitcake. Except Canadians- they love that shit.

Canadians aside; the temptation is still there and now your body is accustomed to enjoying a box of Italian chocolate for lunch.

You're going to start denying yourself after all of that?? Yea, I'm sure your metabolism won't rebel at all.

Alas, I’m not here to tell you that a diet is a bad New Years Resolution. I’m not here to boost your self-confidence, or make your excuses acceptable, because I refuse to tell you that all your wildest dreams will come true, or that you will find the love of your life this year, or that you will be happy. I won’t sugar coat bullshit so that you can feel better about yourself, when you should already feel incredible. You get to open your eyes to a new day every morning. You get the chance to meet new people; people that can change you, and people that you can learn from. You get to create memories that you will keep forever, and no matter how old you are, you can still sit on the couch on a Saturday morning watching Parks and Rec on Netflix, with no pants on and a bowl of cereal.

So, here's the thing about making a significant lifestyle change…either you are ready to do it right now, or you aren't. Waking up on January 1st isn't going to make it any easier to start going for a daily run or to be more compassionate, or to stop eating carbs (don’t do that, carbs will always love you back)

You have two choices here. You can either make resolutions, or you can make decisions. So, while January 1st signifies the start of a new year, the actual change starts with your internal clock, and that clock is already ticking.

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