"I had severe diarrhea during my wedding. While reading our vows, liquid poop started flowing out of me."
Everything is a lie.
Love is a strange thing.
*sets phone on fire* H/T str8boytexts
Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?
Common sense is not that common these days.
Deck the boobs with boughs of holly.
This won't be easy.
"I have to explain it to my kids first."
The dark side of humanity is all on the internet.
"They didn't even try."
"The officers told me how to make up an excuse to avoid being arrested."
Will you have a house full of kids?
A simple list.
They just couldn't see your genius.
Movie magic can be pretty dark.
It's-a me, Mario, and here's my dick.
Whether knowingly or not, you might be part of the problem.
What was that noise?!?!
**throws glue gun into the ocean**
This is just some real unfortunate timing.
Ketchup on macaroni and cheese: yuck or yaaas?
"This is why we run to Fenty."
Love is canceled.
Do NOT try to kiss a snake on the lips. Please.
"Just please be cautious who you get your mods from and do your research. I don't want this to happen to anyone else."
People are fucked up.
"If you talk about my dad, I will cut you."
"Kylie Jenner being pregnant is a bigger plot twist than y’all wanting to fuck Pennywise. 2017 is wild man."
"Unbeknownst to poor Nikki, she didn’t realize that I was going to go in her purse and take out her birth control."
Welcome to the dark side of humanity.
*screams directly at screen* "WTF?!"
"What a fox."
Why do I live here again?
Canned pineapple + marshmallows + whipped topping = a salad.
Because who needs faith in humanity anyway? H/T /r/mildlyinfuriating
How are these real?!
Oh... my god.
Get your popcorn.
Do you refrigerate your butter or nah?
If you have trypophobia, this will probably be a challenge.
First of all, how dare you? Second of all, HOW DARE YOU???
Where my haters at???????
People thought women could only experience an orgasm if sperm were present. :-/
"TAYLOR SWIFT IS COMING."