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They say people who write diaries are feeling to talk but no one is listening. Maybe they are right.
Seraphina
They say people who write diaries are feeling to talk but no one is listening. Maybe they are right.
He is a dream. But he is not my dream to have.
60 Day plan starts. It is so depressing that I can control my mind but I cannot control my heartbeat, the burning of my blood. Totally out of my control.
Too busy with year-end closing to be sentimental. Instead of 2017, thinking about 2016 a lot. what a mess
Just learned the new of the suicide of Kim Jonghyun. Although I am not a fan of him, I did like the group he was in and followed their news back to the days I was interested in K-Pop. I was shocked he was the one to go with this choice. I thought he is one of those people who get privileges. After reading his last words, I feel very sad for him. It was like he was crying for help, but all he got is the echo of his own voice. He said nobody wants to know the real him. I think he is right about this one. All he asked in his last word is for someone to understand that he is exhausted, not being judged as a coward, not being criticized as a boy doing something wrong. He made it so clear that he knew it is the right choice for himself. I guess I am not the only in this world who don't understand the word Love. In his stance, even though he has countless fans, he has his teammates, it is still not good enough for him to understand the essence of happiness. I feel very down myself recently, too. It is never easy.
don't know how to hang on
feel like losing it
Before all these changes, I was considering about seeing a therapist. But all the changes happened one after another; they distracted me. And now, after everything is settled. All the feelings are coming back. I am self-destructive and dark person. But he is so positive and sunny. I have this pressure to talk only the sunshine with him, so I won't be a bummer. Further, I figure if I focus more on the bright side, it would be positive influence on myself. However, I was wrong. The more I was doing it, the more bipolar I was feeling, which only drove me crazier and even more lost.
All these changes. Now since I get some time to really think, all the feelings come and get overwhelming. It is hard.
hard time
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