Before all these changes, I was considering about seeing a therapist. But all the changes happened one after another; they distracted me. And now, after everything is settled. All the feelings are coming back. I am self-destructive and dark person. But he is so positive and sunny. I have this pressure to talk only the sunshine with him, so I won't be a bummer. Further, I figure if I focus more on the bright side, it would be positive influence on myself. However, I was wrong. The more I was doing it, the more bipolar I was feeling, which only drove me crazier and even more lost.