1. You’ll see a lot of pristine Barbies still in their boxes.
2. Lots and lots of Barbies in boxes.
3. And you might find yourself wistfully running your fingers along the plastic covers and asking one of the vendors, “Do you think they’re sad they never got played with?”
4. To which the vendor will reply, “No.”
5. You’ll harbor some confusing sexual feelings about a Ken doll with a bangin’ hipster beard.
6. You’ll get a rush from touching a rare vintage Barbie that costs more than a brand new Kia Rio.
Yep, that says “$12,995.” As in THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS.
7. And after that, a $10,000 vintage Barbie will suddenly seem like a bargain.
You could barely buy a used Rio for that much.
8. You’ll drool over a hand-painted, one-of-a-kind doll wearing a dress made of sequins and vintage Italian lace.
Does this come in my size?
9. And wonder if an itty bitty Louis Vuitton bag is a knockoff.
It’s so hard to tell these days.
10. You’ll realize that no matter the context, a box full of decapitated Barbie bodies is always creepy.
The upside? You’ll also realize that “Heads Priced As Marked” would be a great name for a death metal band.
11. You’ll spend an inordinate amount of time pondering where Ken could wear this outfit, before settling on “medieval disco fetish party.”
And then you’ll be like, “Damn, do those exist? Because I would totally go to one.”
12. This Dolly Parton doll will make you consider becoming a serious collector.
Gimme gimme gimme!!!
13. You’ll come face to face with a plethora of Barbie-sized wigs.
The guy selling them will tell you this is the last year he’s bringing them to the convention, because “it’s a real pain transporting this many Barbie wigs on a plane from San Jose.” You will nod as if this is a common problem.
14. And experience some pretty serious wardrobe envy.
Common symptoms of attending a Barbie Collectors Convention include an overwhelming urge to fill your closet with more themed outfits.
15. Not to mention furniture envy.
Just wondering if that dining room set could be scaled up to actual size? For around the same price? Thanks!
16. You’ll breathe a huge sigh of relief that this hairstyle is no longer trendy.
Because it looks OK on Barbie, but would do nothing for your bone structure.
17. You’ll be blown away by the original Barbie art for sale.
Need this hanging next to my bathroom mirror, like, now.
19. You’ll look at this “Montana” Barbie, think about the actual state of Montana, and fail to see the connection.
Like, it’s green? Maybe that’s it?
20. You’ll get a little choked up when you see the same Barbie travel case your mom kept on the dresser of her childhood bedroom.
Keep it together. Keep it together…
21. You’ll realize you don’t have nearly enough Barbie swag in your life.
22. Especially when you see this girl’s outfit.
23. Three words: Barbie. Shoe. Earrings.
24. You’ll learn bits of trivia that might pay off in the future.
For example: What do early Barbies smell like?
Answer: A box of crayons.
25. You’ll gaze in awe at pair after pair of matching Barbie shoes.
Proof that, contrary to popular belief and personal experience, keeping track of both Barbie shoes is not impossible.