1. Alright, my lover? – Hello friend/boss/mother-in-law/actual lover.
2. Ize going to get right baity if you don't shut it. – I'm going to get really cross if you don't be quiet.
3. Sabbit 'arsh innit? – Don't you think that's a bit mean?
4. They's macky jaspers all over me Fatchers, mind. – Urgh, there are big wasps in my cider, how annoying.
5. Lav that cacklater, fankee. – Please can I borrow your calculator?
6. Lost cacks down harbourside last week. Mint. – I had such an awesome time at Harbour Fest last week that I actually lost my pants.
7. I tawd 'im straight. I isn't 'ungray, I din't wants any choclut razzbreeze cheesecake, I just wants to goa bed now. – I just told him firmly I didn't want to try his delicious dessert, I just want to go to bed.
8. I wishes I had camrawl – he threw a right old benny! – I wish I'd got my camera on me – he had such a temper tantrum!
9. Praps ee'd be up for going down saunawl, ee looks like a right keener! – I think he'd go to the sauna with you, you know, he seems really keen.
10. Don't you laff at my famlay or diesel gettee! – If you continue to laugh at members of my family, I'm going to punch you!
11. I bin waitin frayges for the right fella, till I found your grampfer. – I'd been looking for the right man for a long time, and then I met your grandfather.
12. Ee falled down a ladder yesterday on the glider and scragged his baws somethin' proper. – He'd been drinking cider yesterday and fell off a ladder, sustaining a severe injury to the bollocks.
13. I hates Chantelle, she's dogged m'up cos ees thinkin I nicked er oop yerrens. – I stole that horrible Chantelle's hoop earrings and now she's looking at me funny.
14. Ees a jammer, that Steve. Ees join up Gas tamorra! – Lucky old Steve, he's going to watch Bristol Rovers tomorrow!
15. Giss a salid – I bin only eatin vegabulls. – Please can I have a salad? I've recently become a vegetarian.
16. Giss a drag on at raggy. – Can I have a bit of your roll-up please, friend?
17. No way diddee make your sangwedges from toppers, that's rank! – I cannot believe he made you some sandwiches using the crusty ends of the loaf, that's disgusting!
18. Soz, my lover, I seenin go off withat scutler last night ee did. – Sorry, mate, I saw him going home with that nasty-looking girl last night.
19. Buttee went a pisser tryin' to get off of the bus. – It's OK though, because he fell the fuck over trying to get off the bus and made a right dick of himself.
20. Used to lemme smoof er cat, she did. – She used to let me stroke her cat.
21. Dinnum scow scaw today. – I didn't go to school today.
22. I stays 'ohm and drank semn cans of Fatchers instead. – I got absolutely wankered on seven cans of Thatchers at home instead.
23. Iz fadder's a deader, innee? – His father died, didn't he?
24. Ee fancies dappin' down pub? – Would you like to go for a drink?
25. Sround corner from Asdal. – It's just round the corner from Asda.
26. Eez gone and done bort flat down Bemmie way ee az. – He's invested in some property in trendy Bedminster.
27. Mint ambag, lover! – I really like your handbag, my good but platonic friend.
28. Eezun ansum bassard, mind. – I think he's an extremely visually pleasing man, just so we're clear.
29. Buree is from Wells, muh would have an eadfit! – However, he's Welsh, and therefore my mother would disapprove.
30. I nebbersin that Gameoffrones, mind. – I've never seen Game of Thrones, you know.
31. Jew knows ee? – Do you know what I mean?
32. Ark at ee! – What the fuck are you on about?
33. Swanna round a gawf tonight, me babber? – How about a game of golf tonight, babe/friend/brief fling/teacher/anyone.
34. Fink eeve gone that Vfessival, inchew goin'? – I think he's gone to V Festival, aren't you going to join him?
35. I 'eared they got loads a big ills in Yorkshire, that ain't right? – Is it true there are loads of big hills in Yorkshire?
36. Top olides wernit. Scow Malia again praps? – I thoroughly enjoyed our vacation in Malia. We should consider going again.
37. Slush. – It's somewhere between acceptable and completely fucking amazing.
38. Cheers, drive. – Goodbye bus/taxi/transport driver, it's been a complete pleasure as always.