Quotes From Every Character On "The Good Place" That Sum Them Up Perfectly

    Holy forking shirtballs, these characters have some good quotes.

    The Good Place is really good at doing a lot of things — crazy twists, world building, and coming up with ways to get around cursing being just a few.

    Another thing the show is great it is developing characters with strong personalities and iconic quotes. These are the characters of The Good Place, summed up perfectly with their own quotes!

    Eleanor Shellstrop: "'You’re not better than me’ was my yearbook quote."

    Chidi Anagonye: "Here's the thing about me: you know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time. Just this constant grinding about things I'm afraid of, or things that I want, or want to want, or want to want to want..."

    Tahani Al-Jamil: "I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself."

    Jason Mendoza: "I'm just a dope who died in a safe with a snorkel...who's only now realizing why that didn't work."

    Michael: "Come on, you know how this works. You fail and then you try something else. And you fail again and again, and you fail a thousand times, and you keep trying because maybe the 1,001st idea might work. Now, I’m gunna go and try to find our 1,001st idea. I hope you'll join me. I hope you shower first, and then join me."

    Janet: "All of these new emotions I'm feeling are about to burst out of me, which might be super embarrassing. What if they come out my butt?"

    Simone Garnett: "I mean, there's a decent chance this entire thing is just a complex electrochemical reaction caused by my synapses randomly firing in the millisecond after my death. But this fro-yo is amazing so I'm just gunna roll with it."

    The character Simone Garnett smiling

    John Wheaton: "I'm so excited for spa day! I mean I know I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight, and the air is obviously perfect, and no one has any jobs or stress or problems but...I just feel like I need this."

    John Wheaton holding two suitcases

    Brent Norwalk: "I grew up in Chicago — a suburb, obviously. I went to Princeton University. No handouts, by the way, I earned my spot there. Just like my father and his father before him."

    Brent Norwalk carrying skis and wearing a vest that says "Norwalk"

    Shawn: "Well, I was going to try to get the humans back by going through the proper channels, but then I remembered...I'm a naughty bitch."

    Bad Janet: "Oh, um, that's a good question. It's up your mom's butt, you fat dink."

    Vicky Sengupta: "I am a strong, independent acid snake in the skinsuit of a strong, independent woman!"

    Vicky Sengupta looking surprised

    Glenn: "If it's not too much trouble, could I get a hot glass of pig urine? I'm not picky, whatever urine you have is fine."

    Judge Gen: "Hey guys, couple quick announcements. Would anyone eat chips and guac if I put it out? It's good, it's homemade. No takers? A'ight. Second thing, we figured out a plan to save your souls."

    Derek Hofstetler: "Derek!"

    Hypatia: "I used to be cool, man! I studied so much... things. Art and music and the, uh... the one with the number piles? Where I'd be like, 'Two!' and you'd be like, 'Six!'"

    Lisa Kudrow as Hypatia, wearing a Jaguar's football jersey and drinking a milkshake

    Val: "This is so exciting! I hope everyone gets hurt!"

    Val wearing a sweater

    Mindy St. Claire: "You always end up going back. Sometimes you go back because you feel bad your friends don't know what you know. Sometimes you go back because you walk in on me while I'm masturbating, and sometimes you go back because I walk in on you while I'm masturbating."

    Mindy St. Claire opening her front door wearing a business suit from the 80's

    Pillboi: "Di Giornio! I am a safe installer, here to install-a da safe. So just-a point to where the guacamole money is and I'll install-a the safe in the, how you say, place?"

    Eugene Cordero as Pillboi, wearing a fake mustache and a backwards baseball cap, standing in front of a safe

    Neutral Janet: "Your amusement has been scheduled, end of conversation."

    Neutral Janet wearing drab clothes and showing no emotion on her face

    Chris Baker: "Bad news, I've been going to the gym. A lot!"

    Chris Baker taking his shirt off

    Kamilah Al-Jamil: "Not that I'd expect you to understand, but it's a commentary on the world's fascination with subservience, consumption, death, and pedagogy. Cheddar or Swiss?"

    Trevor: "Who are they gonna believe? Me? Or...a woman?"

    Jeff the Doorman: "I just like frogs. I'm a frog guy."

    Larry Hemsworth: "I just never expect anyone to remember me because I'm only 6'4" and I have one of those forgettable faces. Well I'm sure you're busy, you probably don't want to talk to me. I get it, I wouldn't either, I'm as dull as a rock. Ugh, even that analogy was boring. I'm sorry, I'm so dull and I'm ugly, I'm like a rock. Stupid Larry, stop talking about rocks!"

    Larry Hemsworth smiling at a black tie event

    Gwendolyn: "If I can believe it? Watch this. I believe it!"

    Nicole Byer as Gwendolyn, dressed as a postal worker and smiling

    Toddrick Hemple: "We're going streaking!"

    Todd the lava monster glowing hot

    Neil: "Every action by every human on Earth is recorded and then sent here to be assigned a point value based on the absolute moral worth of that action. For example, a couple in Osaka, Japan, just decided to have a destination wedding: negative 1,200 points. Oh, and it's a destination theme wedding: negative 4,300. The theme's Lord of the Rings...they're basically doomed."

    Neil the accountant smiling and eating cake

    Matt: "I'm still waiting on a response to the request I filed for immediate suicide?"

    Matt looking upset next to a sign that reads "Matt: Weird Sex Things"

    Henry: "After all, why should I have all the fun and boots?"

    Henry standing in the middle of a railway wearing flamboyant boots and waving towards the camera

    Dave Kattertrune: "I mean, who am I, Avril Lavigne?"

    Andy Daly as Dave Kattertrune, pointing to an Apple Watch bracelet that had pyramid studs

    Patricia Kattertrune: "I'm nine."

    Patricia Kattertrune talking to her dad and Donna Shellstrop

    Donna Shellstrop: "Your dog Max is dead in a duffel bag under the deck. I didn't know how hot it gets in cars sometimes. The point is: don't be sad. Honestly? I'll get kind of annoyed if you do get sad. Because it's been a very long day and that bitch Carol from work was really on my ass about some stupid thing that I don't even know what it was and at the end of that long day I had to use one of my favorite duffel bags to do something very gross that I did not like. Now, let's celebrate that dead dog's life by bringing Mommy another bottle of white!"

    Donna Shellstrop drinking white wine out of a glass with a straw

    Donkey Doug: " If you're here to tell me energy drink body spray is a bad idea, I've heard it before, from a bank and some doctors."

    Donkey Doug wearing a tank top and smiling

    Doug Forcett: "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk to Edmonton to give $85 to a snail charity."

    Michael McKean as Doug Forcett, talking to a snail he holds in his palm

    Disco Janet: "What it is, what it is!"

    Disco Janet dancing between two portals and giving finger guns

    Which characters did I miss, and which quotes do you think perfectly sum up these characters? Let me know in the comments!