22 Remakes That Should've Never Been Remade

    They can't all be Dune.

    When there's news that a classic, beloved film like The Exorcist is set to be remade, I can tend to feel like Fred Armisen:

    1. Psycho (1998)

    View this video on YouTube

    Universal Pictures

    "Unfortunately this disproves my theory that any classic film would be better if it included a scene of Vince Vaughn jerking off." —Austin Shermer, Letterboxd

    2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

    View this video on YouTube

    Warner Bros.

    "I'd rather dip my balls in a jar of honey and tea-bag a beehive than watch this again." —Tentin Quarantino, Letterboxd

    3. The Mummy (2017)

    View this video on YouTube

    Universal Pictures

    "It's a good thing I had to pee for 75% of this because at least I got to feel something." — Rylan California, Letterboxd

    4. Poltergeist (2015)

    View this video on YouTube

    20th Century Fox

    "At one point, a realtor asks Sam Rockwell where he works and he goes, 'John Deere.' And the realtor says, "Oh, I really like that company" and then Sam Rockwell is like, 'Well, I don't give a shit cuz they fired me.'

    Well, maybe don't tell people you still work there if it's such a sore issue, Sam Rockwell." —Parker, Letterboxd

    5. Total Recall (2012)

    View this video on YouTube

    Sony

    "I saw this in the cinema when it was released, late 2012. It was a blind date with a guy called Aaron: we had some dinner before and a chat and then went and watched the film. When we were walking out after it had finished, he told me he thought it was better than the original.

    I never saw him again." —xtini, Letterboxd

    6. RoboCop (2014)

    View this video on YouTube

    Sony

    "MOOD: SAM L JACKSON GETTING PAID TO SAY 'ROBO-PHOBIC'" —J4Y, Letterboxd

    7. Oldboy (2013)

    View this video on YouTube

    FilmDistrict

    "oh… okay." —OOO, Letterboxd

    8. Ghostbusters (2016)

    View this video on YouTube

    Sony

    "I am afraid of ghosts. I'm more afraid of ever having to watch this again." —Adam Kempenaar, Letterboxd

    9. Godzilla (1998)

    View this video on YouTube

    TriStar Pictures

    "objectively the longest movie ever made." —#1 gizmo fan, Letterboxd

    10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

    View this video on YouTube

    New Line Cinema

    "The story of a young woman's (played by Jessica Biel) repeated attempts to dry her tank top. At every turn a chainsaw-wielding maniac is there, and try as she might, she just cannot get to a stopping point in order to dry said garment. Sometimes you have to kill someone to be comfortable." —Cinemonster, Letterboxd

    11. Fantastic Four (2015)

    View this video on YouTube

    Marvel

    "it was bad movie." —trex888, Letterboxd

    12. Footloose (2011)

    View this video on YouTube

    Paramount Pictures

    "NOT MY TEMPO." —david esquimal, Letterboxd

    13. Fame (2009)

    View this video on YouTube

    MGM Distribution Co.

    "if you tried to make a season of a CW show fit into 107 minutes." —harperthecutie, Letterboxd

    14. Bangkok Dangerous (2008)

    View this video on YouTube

    Lionsgate

    "It should be impossible for a Nicolas Cage movie called BANGKOK DANGEROUS to be this boring but somehow they pulled it off." —Patrick Willems, Letterboxd

    15. Jacob's Ladder (2019)

    View this video on YouTube

    Vertical Entertainment

    "I’m not convinced anyone involved even saw the original." —Brian Tallerico, Letterboxd

    16. Point Break (2015)

    View this video on YouTube

    Warner Bros.

    "If you like those 3 or 5 minute GoPro or Red Bull videos of people doing extreme sports then you will certainly like most of the movie as a lot of it is exactly that - and to be sure, those moments were pretty cool to watch and very well done.

    Unfortunately, in between all of those moments is a pretty boring plotline with characters that you never really care about.

    If you like mindless action (nothing wrong with that) then you will probably like this movie - although most of the "action" is extreme sports, not really guns.

    Apparently, I have to write at least ten lines of text, but honestly there isn't much more to say about the movie!" —allstarrunner, IMDb

    17. Red Dawn (2012)

    View this video on YouTube

    FilmDistrict

    "Red Yawn......" —FlashCallahan, IMDb

    18. The Wicker Man (2006)

    View this video on YouTube

    Warner Bros.

    "bitches ! you BITCHES ! THIS IS MURDER! *MURDER!* YOU'LL ALL BE GUILTY! and you're doing it for NOTHING!..... killing me won't bring back your GODDAMN HONEY! ARRRRRRRRRRRGH........ ooooooohhh.... i don't get it......... i'm not one of you..... i don't BELIEVE in your god !! i don't believe in sacrifice........ ARRRRRRRRGh......... oooooohhwww......... ohhhhwwww......... oH NO DONT MOVE ME AHHHHHHHHH WHA-AWWWWWWWW !! what is it? what is it? wha-what is it what IS IT WHAT IS IT?!!! OH NO NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEEEEEEEEES! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! OH THEYRE IN MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!......................................... oh god........ oh mai gawd..... OH MAI GAWD." —👽hayley👽, Letterboxd

    19. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

    View this video on YouTube

    20th Century Fox

    "Keanu should have let everyone die." —mjeps, Letterboxd

    20. The Grudge (2020)

    View this video on YouTube

    Sony

    "I'd rather comb the ghost's hair for 100 minutes. It's only the 2nd day & my 2020 is already a horrible mess." —iamianiman, IMDb

    21. Arthur (2011)

    View this video on YouTube

    Warner Bros.

    "You know you've entered another universe when an Oscar winning actress tells Russell Brand with a straight face to 'wash his winky....properly'. I almost pissed myself." —Andy Summers, Letterboxd

    22. Ben-Hur (2016)

    View this video on YouTube

    Paramount Pictures

    "Bland.

    Very bland

    Exceedingly bland

    You won't quite believe how bland this film is.

    How can I explain it...?

    Picture, if you will, a scene (not from this movie). Orlando Bloom is sitting in a room on a bare wooden chair. The room has magnolia walls, a cream carpet and beige curtains. Orlando is wearing a symphony in beige: beige trousers, beige t-shirt and beige cardigan. From one corner the music of Coldplay is playing. In front of him a TV playing party political broadcasts. In one hand he has a lettuce sandwich on white bread. It takes him thirty minutes to slowly eat the sandwich.

    That my friends is only a fraction of how truly bland this film is.

    [...]

    You could watch a film and think it's bland but I promise you, that will only be a tiny fraction of how impossibly, mind boggling bland this film is.

    It's so bland that I started to forget about the film whilst I was still watching it.

    It even makes The Crucifixion seem bland.

    It is Bland Hur

    Very Bland Hur

    The very Blandermost Hur

    And bland my friends, is often worse than bad.

    The chariot bits are alright though." —Steve P, Letterboxd

    Rumor has it that the legendary anime, Akira, is set to be remade. What do you think, are you excited or dreading it? Let me know in the comments!