I'm always counting down the days until Halloween!I have my Halloween costumes planned out decades in advance!I named my children Spooks and Frights-Aplenty!I homeschool my children in a graveyard!My car is a haunted hayride!I eat a bag of fun-size Three Musketeers for breakfast every morning!I am undergoing cosmetic surgery to permanently change my skin tone to Witch Green!My voicemail message is the complete audio track to Nightmare on Elm Street 2!I conduct all business meetings in the costume section of Party City!I insist that everyone call me Halloween Joe and I lash out at people if they forget!My wedding vows were the lyrics to Monster Mash!My barber knows "the usual" means "Bride of Frankenstein beehive!"If I can't think of what to say, instead of saying "ummmm" or "uhhhh" I'll go "MWAA HAA HAA!"My favorite pastime is whispering my sins into the mouth of a jack o' lantern!I have four ghosts listed as dependents on my tax returns!I refuse to take off my witch hat in the shower!I use trick-or-treating buckets as tote bags!My son was baptised in the makeup aisle of a Spirit Halloween store off the Dan Ryan Expressway!Every Wednesday, FedEx delivers a shipment of cobwebs to my house and I am now known as "the cobweb guy!"To stay fit, I perform the Thriller dance for two and a half hours by myself every night!Whenever I have guests over to my house, I always insist they take off their shoes, wipe their feet, and change into a wacky skeleton costume!I sleep in a pumpkin!
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