Sad, Desperate Bachelorette’s Skanky Plan Backfires

Last night’s edition of “The Bachelor” was especially cringe-inducing thanks to a contestant, Jamie, who looks like a brunette Blake Lively, and her attempt at salacious hail mary to win over Ben’s affection. It ultimately sent her home.

Her plan — as far as I can tell — was this:

1. Tell Ben how often she thinks about him at night while in bed.
2. Straddle Ben and tell him how she respects him.
3. Make out with him.
4. Giggle like a little girl while making out.
5. Get off his lap, be all kinds of awkward about it.
6. Repeat.

…Wait, are some people into this kinda thing? Have I been doing it wrong?

Nice try, Jamie — at least you put it all out there. And by “it,” I mean both your dignity and your hoo-ha. You tried. Ben didn’t go for it.

I mean, how could anyone compete with Courtney’s boobs jangling around in her tribal outfit in Panama?

Here’s what Ben had to say about Courtney’s being extra-comfortable about her body: “The women are still in bathing suits with traditional garb — with the exception of Courtney. I appreciated that — in more than one way.

Shake it til you maaaake itttttttttttt

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