1. Everybody's gotta start somewhere.
2. That NO ONE is needier than Simon's annoying ass.
3. When it's actually important to pick up the phone.
4. Guys are assholes.
5. Willow Pape is the worst.
6. And more importantly, Willow Pape is Paris Hilton.
7. Sometimes you gotta show a little skin if you want to get ahead.
8. And then you must defend your choices.
9. Kim Kardashian is a very motivational individual.
10. Guys are assholes.
11. How to dazzle a crowd.
12. Dating is easy.
13. It also costs money.
14. The best financial deals aren't necessarily the best career moves.
15. It's easy to promote a product...
16. ...until it isn't.
17. Guys are assholes.
18. Kim is a needy friend.
19. Elizabeth Korkov is Anna Wintour.
20. She's not very nice.
21. That the Hollywood sign has been replaced.
22. True fashion = Kim Kardashian's actual clothing.
23. Guys are assholes.
24. Any photographer that does the Kardashian Kristmas Kard must be a good one.
25. It's all about that energy.
26. HAND HUGS!
27. Busses are the hottest way to get around town.
28. And if you DO drive, these are the only cars worth having.
29. A really flattering way to stand is with one hand on your hip.
30. Willow Pape is the WORST HUMAN.
31. There is no one meaner.
32. And EVERYONE has been personally victimized by her.
33. Kim is BUSY.
34. Guys are assholes.
35. What the right side of Kim's mansion looks like.
36. And what the left of Kim's mansion looks like.
37. Modeling is all about confidence and trying not to trip.
38. Also, swagger.
39. And Tyra Banks was right: It's all about the smize.
40. How to tolerate creepy come-ons like, "You smell nice."
41. Guys are assholes.
42. Kim Kardashian is an active supporter of charities.
43. Good shoes are important.
44. How to tell when a guy is flirting (by whether or not he puts his right arm behind his head).
45. Not to get so drunk that you accidentally shit-talk the brand you're promoting.
46. Kim has feelings.
47. Lots of feelings.
...about her mom, Kris:
48. And if you listen to Kim's entire sob story, you might even get a REAL hug!
49. Guys are assholes.
50. Exclusivity is important.
51. Kourtney is the least favorite sister.
52. It's cool to stare at your nails.
53. Kim Kardashian knows what LARPing is.
54. Sometimes there's only one answer in life.
55. Haters are everywhere.
56. In Kim's world, it only costs $35 to fly from LAX to JFK — or Mexico.
57. And this bra cost $975.
58. Guys are assholes.
59. Ray Powers is kind of an asshole.
60. Modeling is easy.
61. How to enjoy the shade.
62. Behind every photo opp is some publicist trying to get press.
63. Tweets = fans.
64. There is no crying in modeling.
65. This is Willow's lunchbox:
66. It's not cool to be broken up with over the phone.
67. New homes = new fans.
68. Kim uses the term "momager" in everyday life.
69. Guys are assholes.
It's not all about YOU, Cole.