1. My face! My precious face!
2. This hurts more than it should.
3. OMG did I chip a tooth?
4. Can you chip a tooth on your phone?
5. I think it's given me a bruise.
6. I'll never be able to tell anyone how I got this.
7. Maybe I'll just tell them I sneezed and smacked my head on my desk.
8. It's less embarrassing.
9. I just HAD to use my phone in bed.
10. Wait, who cares about my face? IS MY SCREEN OK?!
11. Why don't they make these damn phone covers with hand grips?
12. *Googles phone covers with hand grips*
13. Oh, they DO make phone covers with hand grips.
15. They are the ugliest things I've ever seen.
16. I'm not sure I can invest in something so aesthetically...what's the word?
17. Oh right; Shit.
18. What do I choose?
19. My face or my case?
20. I'm just not emotionally ready for this kind of decision.
21. Is this karma for that time I blocked my parents on Facebook?
22. And told them Instagram had an age cap?
23. And pretended I couldn't hear them when they asked if I'd heard about FaceTime?
24. Or is this karma for that one (hundredth) time I stalked my ex on Instagram?
25. And then on Twitter?
26. And then on Facebook?
27. And then on Vine?
28. And then...
29. Wait...WAIT...WAIT A SECOND.
30. Oh no.
31. Oh no oh no oh no.
32. I was on my ex's Instagram when my phone slapped me in the face.
33. I couldn't have...
34. Could I?
36. MY NOSE DOUBLE-TAPPED A PHOTO.
37. I REPEAT. MY NOSE DOUBLE-TAPPED A PHOTO.
38. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
39. My phone sometimes won't let me answer calls and yet my nose can double-tap a photo.
40. This never would've happened to Lord Voldemort.
41. He had the right idea.
42. This is mortifying.
43. I'm dying.
44. I'm dead.
45. Tell Tom Felton I love him.
46. Thank God it wasn't the Nokia 3310.
47. Or an iPad.
48. Or a Samsung.
49. Then I really would be dead.
51. I'm NEVER using my phone in bed again.
52. Although I guess this is pretty funny.
53. Like, if you're one of those people who thinks Funniest Home Videos is funny.
54. Which it is.
55. I should Tweet about this.
56. I'm so self-depreciating and relatable.
57. I wonder if my ex will see this.
58. I'll just take a quick peek at their page.
60. Dropped my phone on my face again.